Oh how I love me some good awards

Joan of The Retirement Chronicles has awarded me this awesomely awesome Honest Scrap Award:

 

The directions are: 

A) first list 10 honest things about yourself – and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Thank you, Joan, because I was running dry on blog posts ideas and so far had only written “I dusted yesterday.  If you count wiping a 1/4″ layer of dust off the TV screen so I could watch The Fifth Element dusting.”  You have just spared all my good readers.

10 Honest Things About Me:

1.  I have bunions and am scared of summer and flip flop season.  I am convinced that everyone who sees me will look immediately at my bunions and label me as gross and ugly.  Even the word “bunion” sounds ugly.  Also an ugly word:  discharge.  Let’s move along before I feel the need to wash my hands and eyes.

2.  I seriously, honestly, no-lie promise that I haven’t one clue as to how to do my hair.  I go to the salon, sit down, explain that I am cosmetically challenged, hairdresser fixes me all pretty, I leave the salon, go home, wash my hair and I look exactly the same as I did the day before just with shorter hair.  I am frustrated with this malady.

3.  I have so many cosmetically challenged moments I am thinking of writing them all down and calling them “Memoirs of a Cosmetically Challenged Woman”. 

4.  Most days, I feel like a total loser of a parent.  What’s worse, my kids remember EVERY BAD THING I’VE EVER DONE.  It’s like I gave birth to elephants.  I keep hoping this will get better.

5.  I am a Christian, and I am a writer (so to speak) but I do not want to be labeled as a “Christian writer”.  I feel guilty saying this, but this is honest.  I think it’s because I want to be able to type words like “crap” and “I read Harry Potter and loved it” without getting responses like “I am praying for your repentance.  Shame on you.”  Dude, I can’t handle that pressure.

6.  I feel The Guilt often.  It’s a little bit like dragging 10 gallon trash bags around with me.  I keep hoping one day I’ll have an epiphany and just stop feeling The Guilt.  Alas, it sits around with me everyday. 

7.  I just learned how to knit from a pattern, like a real honest-to-goodness knitter.  I used this pattern.  I am so proud of my accomplishments that I have shown pictures of my project and made my coworkers ooh and aah.  So far, no one seems all that impressed.  It’s a big letdown.

8.  I was going to write a post on vaginal skin tags once, but I chickened out.  My sister keeps begging me to post it, but I am scared of the repercussions.  Plus, I just made your eyes bleed a little, didn’t I?  “Vaginal skin tag” is a wee bit telling.

9.  I am supposed to go and speak at  a women’s retreat in May.  I am 60 excited/40 terrified. 

10.  Somewhere along the way I became a “crier”.  I am not a sappy person, per se, nor am I overly emotional except during certain times of the whole lunar cycle thing, ahem.  But dude, if I see you bawling, I am so going to be bawling too.  My husband hates watching The Biggest Loser with me, because I will be sitting there knitting and weeping.  It’s so dumb.  But, that’s who I am now.  A knitting crier.

 

So, there’s my list of 10 honest facts about me. 

I shall award these amazing people:

Nikki, of A Thin and Shallow Light

Vanessa, of Much More Than Mommy

Winn, of WendiWinn (She Likes Stuff) even though she will scoff and completely ignore this

Kim, of A Parent’s Life to Behold Through the Eyes of Insanity and Bliss

Katrina, of The Funny Sister

Megan, of Undressingmind’s Blog

and lastly, but not leastly, my new buddy Shauna, of Inside Shauna’s Head.

 

These are all stellar women who I admire and laugh at.  I mean, their words and stuff, not them directly. 

Enjoy and Happy Friday!