Archive for June, 2008

100 Facts About Me (#5)

Three blogs in one day!  I am so wordy today!

41.  I cannot chew gum for more than a few minutes.  It hurts my jaw and I’m convinced all my years as a child chewing away at whale fat or whatever it is has made me have TMJ. 

42.  As a child, I kept my chewed gum on a gum keeper shaped like a porcelain cat.  Chewed wads of gum would sit there, overnight, collecting germ-infested amoeba and the next day I would put this same piece of gum back into my mouth and chew it some more.  Is that not the most disgusting thing ever.

43.  When I leave the house in the mornings, I almost always have wet hair.  I know this is tacky but I don’t blow-dry it because a)  I don’t have time and b)  I don’t care.

44.  The longest I’ve ever gone without a shower was four days.  It was in the Virgin Islands and rather than taking a shower at the back of the sailboat with a sprayer that sort of spit at you, I chose to wait until we docked again.  My hair wasn’t even greasy, is that bad?  Perhaps my pH balance is off somewhere.

45.  While we were in the Virgin Islands, I pooped in the Baths.  I know that’s gross, but you do what you gotta do, ya know?  I discovered something- poop floats.

46.  I say the word warm like “arm” with a “w”.  I am the only person I know to do this.  Most people say it like “war” with an “m”.  And I think they’re weird.

47.  I once dated a guy that told me he thought I looked “thick”.  This was intended to be a compliment, but it only became the knife that has yet to be removed.  Durn you, bad complimenter!

48.  I think I can dance, but I probably can’t.  It’s one of life’s cruel tricks.

49.  That goes for singing, as well.

50.  Is it bad that I still use the same blush from ten years ago?  And even worse that I use it as eye shadow?  I know, I really need an intervention.

Tooth Fairy, we meet at last!

Emma has FINALLY lost a tooth.  She will be 7 this September, so this is very big deal.  I had thought that she would lose a bottom tooth first, isn’t this the usual way?  But she surprised us by losing her top tooth. 

She lost it at summer camp (what we call the day care at the preschool nearby).  Summer camp sounds way cooler.  I have to admit, a small part of me grieved that I wasn’t the one to actually pull it out.  Sigh, the things you miss when you work. 

We thought it traditional to give $1.00 for her tooth, via the Tooth Fairy.  But Emma had some kid in her class that told her he got $5.00 and a TOY for his tooth.  I could throttle that kid.  I calmly explained to Emma that I didn’t think this was how the Tooth Fairy worked.  That she had SOOO many teeth and $1.00 bills in her pockets that she didn’t have room for toys, too.  Stupid camp kid, making me lie through my teeth.

As soon as we got home, Emma raced her to pillow and put the tooth there.  I had to “check” on it later to make sure it was still safe. (Read, in a fetchable spot)  Lance snuck in around midnight and slipped the tooth out and the cash in.  She woke up the next morning and was predictably excited that, indeed, her tooth was gone and in place was a crisp clean $1.00 bill.  Ok, so the dollar bill was actually wrinkled and had the word “LOSER” written on it in pink ink, but in her mind it was hot off the press.

We thought that would be the end of it, but the next night, Addie came out into the living room to fetch me because Emma was crying.  I came to check on Emma thinking she had a bad dream or was thirsty or something.  Instead, she was crying because she wanted her tooth back.  She just could not understand why the Tooth Fairy had not left her the tooth to play with AND give her money. 

What on earth do you tell a child? 

First of all, I would like to just give a shout out to the genius who invented the Tooth Fairy.  It’s not enough that at Christmas and Easter we must pay homage to fictional creatures and thereby forego the accolades for the wonderous gifts and treats.  But now we must create yet another situation for a figment of our imaginations to take the credit for giving money to our kids in place of their teeth.  I disapprove, America.  Yet I am suckered in by the innocence of my children. 

Well, shall I invent a story that the Tooth Fairy has mailed back her tooth?  Shall I tell my sweet child the truth?  Or do I just tell her to suck it up and enjoy the dollar?

This is a big deal, folks.  I am setting the bar right now for all the 40 or so teeth that our two girls will lose in the future. 

What to do, what to do…

Emma\'s first loose tooth

100 Facts About Me (#4)

Here are some more random things that float to the surface in my mind. 

31.  I failed my driving test twice.  Once because the car I was using had a broken tail light that no one knew about.  The second was because a truck with a really long bed pulled out in front of me and the lady who was in the car with me was looking down writing DMVish things and only looked up when I had to slam on my brakes.  She thought I was driving reckless.

32.  The 3rd time I took my driving test, it was in a blizzard.  No lie, ginormous snow flakes covered every surface available, including speed limit signs.  I passed with flying colors. The only points that were taken off was when I tried to parallel park and I couldn’t see the buoys because of the snow. 

33.  I laugh at people who cannot drive in the snow.  I am a little mean that way.

34.  I sometimes feel lonely in a crowd.  I feel very much the proverbial square peg.  I had hoped I would grow out of this, but alas, I am 32 and still feel this way.

35.  I abhor lying.  It is for this reason that I felt really bad last night when Emma, my oldest, cried herself to sleep because the Tooth Fairy took her tooth away and she really wanted to keep it.  I had an inner battle over whether or not I should spill the beans and tell her that it was safely tucked away in my jewelry box.  Now I’m trying to think of a plan where we find the tooth in a crack by the door or in an envelop left by the Tooth Fairy.  Sigh, the things we do for our kids.

36.  Despite what Martha Stewart says, I dry my towels with fabric softener.  I would rather them be soft and fragrant than crispy and absorbant.

37.  I love to try new foods at restaurants, but inevitably I will wish that I had stuck with what I know I like.

38.  I have only a few real memories of my father.  I can remember making waffles with him, because that was his thing.  He took me to see Ghostbusters in the movie theater.  I can remember his laugh, a little, but when he called me when I was pregnant with my oldest, I couldn’t place his voice in my head and the conversation was so surreal.

39.  I am not a drinker, and never had been because I was always surrounded by alcholism.  It is very ugly.  I tried a screwdriver at my friend’s house in the 9th grade, I drank a wine cooler in the 10th grade and had tastes of wine when I stayed with my aunt for the summer.  But I have had no real desire to drink. 

40.  I never know how to answer what my favorite foods are.  Take ice cream, for example.  I would say butter pecan is my favorite, but I rarely get it.  I just don’t think I am a “favorite” kind of gal.  I am more of a “whatever I’m in the mood for”.

100 Facts About Me (#3)

Lessee…

21.  I am a believer in the courtesy flush.

22.  Also a believer in bathroom spray.

23.  The first time I saw a pair of Birkenstocks, I thought they were the ugliest shoes ever created by man.

24.  It took me several years to get on board with the wearing of the flip-flops. 

25.  I can’t stand toe socks. 

26.  I am afraid that one day at work, Stacy and Clinton are going to pop out and make fun of my clothes as I am a wee bit fashionably challenged.

27.  I still feel like I’m 17 even tho I’m really 32. 

28.  I will splurge at the Dollar store.  I find this therapeutic.

29.  When I was in the 3rd grade, we had spelling words that we had to put into sentences.  I got my paper back with a word circled.  I had accidentally spelled the word “shirt” without the R.

30.  I am growing my hair out for my husband.  But I find that I really don’t like long hair and all I ever do is put it into a ponytail.  Which is how I have my hair today, and yesterday, and every day last week. 

100 Facts About Me (#2)

10 more exciting, thrilling, facts about yours truly.

11.  I once wore a pair of hiking boots every single day, rain or shine, for a whole year.

12.  My feet have grown a 1/2 size with each of my two kids.  So now I wear a size 8.  If I had as many children as the Duggers, I would seriously need to invest in clown shoes.

13.  I read Lord of the Rings every year.  Each year, I discover something new.  Tolkien was a genius.

14.  When I finished Deathly Hallows, the last installment of the Harry Potter series, I kind of mourned a little.  So I re-read them all so as to prolong putting them back on the shelf.  Anyone else feel that way?

15.  I lived in 21 different places in Anchorage, Alaska. 

16.  I attended 11 schools in 12 years.  My 4th and 6th grade I changed schools 3 times.  No, we were not army people, we were just really, really bored.

17.  As a result of moving so many times, if I am in one place for more than 3 years, I begin to go crazy.  My “wandering foot gets to itching”.

18.  When I was a kid, I thought the words at the end of a TV show TO BE CONTINUED read TO BE CONDUCTED.  It made sense to me.

19.  I once rapped in front of my church wearing star-shaped sunglasses.  I beat-boxed (or however you say it) and mimed scratching a record on a bald guy’s head while saying “Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy”.  I was a hit.

20.  My best friend and I sailed in the Virgin Islands a few months after our high school graduation for a month.  One night we took the dinghy to a little island to eat some dinner at a restaurant and an overweight black man asked me if I wanted to come and live with him in his house.  I thought he was joking.  I was wrong.

100 Facts About Me

(Broken into 10 lists of 10)  I stumbled upon another blog with this (but hers had a list of 100) and I loved the idea so much that I decided to steal borrow it.  You should try it, too!

1.  I am 1/4 Yupik Eskimo. 

2.  I was born and raised in Anchorage, Alaska. 

3.  I like knitting, but cannot read a pattern if my life depended on it, so I’m stuck doing scarves.

4.  I once told my mom that I wanted to get married to someone with the last name that started with “M” so that if I had a little girl, I would name her Jessica Elizabeth and call her “My Little JEM”.  I can’t believe I just told ya’ll that.

5.  I LOVE to read liner notes.  In fact, this is iTunes’ only draw back – no liner notes.

6.  I think all of the world’s problems can be solved by cake.

7.  I am a terrible lip-reader.  If you are trying to communicate with me from across the room, I will 9 times out of 10 not be able to understand you.  This makes me feel slightly dumb.

8.  I think a slice of cold pizza and a can of Diet Coke is an acceptable breakfast, for me of course, the children get a “real” breakfast.

9.  When I sign my name in cursive it looks like Keabie. 

10.  I sometimes laugh at inappropriate things. 

Cell phones + public bathrooms = blog fodder

Ok folks, let’s you and me have a little heart to heart.  Now I realize that the possession of a cell phone and the human free will allows conversation to happen just about anywhere, so long as your cell tower allows it.  But there is a time and a place.  And the Walmart public bathroom is not the time or the place to have a discussion with someone about your weekend plans while you are using the privy.  Come on.

Bathroom sounds are bad enough.  If it’s not my four year old exclaiming very loudly that she has to poop RIGHT NOW, it’s the elderly woman two stalls away that sounds like she took that song beans, beans, good for the heart a little too seriously.  But add to that the cell phone conversation of a woman who is very loudly arguing with her husband that he doesn’t need to know where she is because he doesn’t tell her where he is all the time and so it’s none of his business and she is at Walmart and she will buy what she wants, thank you very much and would he just please stop calling and checking up on her she is a busy woman and has a life, blah blah blah.

Geez.

Now, that is not to say that I do not multitask at home.  When you live in a tiny box with three other warm bodies, two of which who can’t stand a closed door, privacy is very limited and if you want to talk without little pitchers who have ears listening to every word being said, you do what you gotta do.  But not in a public setting!

I once was at a Cracker Barrell and was, ahem, visiting my friend, John (what Lance always says) when I heard from the stall next to me:

STALL NEIGHBOR:  Ahem…Hello?

ME:  … (thinking, should I answer?)

STALL NEIGHBOR:  Hello? 

ME:  … (thinking, is she out of toilet paper?)

STALL NEIGHBOR:  Can you hear me?

ME:  (About to answer) —

STALL NEIGHBOR:  I’m at Cracker Barrell about to have lunch…blah blah blah

 

I’m telling you folks, people are in the bathrooms with you.  It’s bad enough we have to hear each other USING the bathrooms, we don’t want to hear your phone conversations, too!