Archive for November, 2009

Monday is a royal pain

I love that blog called Sounds Like Tomatoes!  That writer is pure genius!

 

-Things the Queen would never say

 

Sigh.

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Adventures with Edward: Edward goes to the movies

Setting:  Outside the movie theater

Edward is chillin and relaxin on the fountain outside of the movie theater.  He’s all set to see New Moon.  If nothing other than to make fun of Jacob.  And drool for Bella.  She looks just like this doll he knows.

He’s got on his TEAM EDWARD shirt, to show his support.  The puff paint looks very manly.

Suddenly, he looks over and sees…himself.

 

“Hi!” the copy of himself says.  It’s eerie.  Except for the scarf and Tshirt, this guy looks JUST LIKE HIM.

“Hi!” says Edward.  They stare at each other for a moment.  It’s like a Twilight Zone moment.  They have the same Pea Coat, the same tight fitting jeans. They even have the same spiky hair.

“We must be brothers.  Separated at birth.  I’m Edward,” says the Edward copy.

“Dude.  My name is Edward too.  I’m going to see New Moon.  Wanna see it with me?”

“Sure, dude.”

They stare at each other for another moment, then go for a man, er- doll hug.  It’s awkward and plasticky and their arms don’t bend, but whatever.  Bros for life.

Inside in the theater, they share a seat and watch the movie.  Jacob definitely has the abs.  But Edward has the Bella. 

Too bad the concession stand doesn’t sell any mountain lion or gazelles.

Monday is a royal pain

I totally need to stock up on some Beano before Thanksgiving.

 

– Things the Queen would never say

Keyboard Confessions

1.  My bestie, Robin, is here from Alaska.

2.  This means I went to bed very very late.

3.  No one is allowed to talk about New Moon with me.  Because me and The Bestie won’t be going until tomorrow.

4.  Also, I’m suspecting The Hubs is jealous of not getting to see New Moon with me.

5.  I also am suspecting that Snuggie could be suing me over yesterday’s Adventures with Edward post.

6.  Wouldn’t that totally suck?  “Why are you doing time, Kearsie?”  “Oh, I killed a man, did a B & E at my bank, I made a Snuggie for my Twilight Doll”. 

7.  I bet those inmates would think I was so hard core.

8.  I wonder if I could bring my Edward doll to jail?  That’d make a killer post “Adventures with Edward: Edward does time for an infomercial”.

9.  Oh my gosh, I’m totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.

10.  Ya’ll, I am not totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.  I just say that stuff.  *wipes eyes*

11.  One more Christmas gift down.  Since you’re all curious of my progress.

12.  It’s kind of embarrassing how The Bestie will see how little I work.

13.  I’m trying to type away so it looks like I’m busy.  However, she just watched me typing my blog, so I don’t think she’s all that impressed.

14.  It’s so liberating to have friends you can talk about poop with and they don’t ditch you.

15.  It’s also liberating that some friends have Edward dolls and don’t judge.

16.  The Runner just made The Bestie shred paper. 

17.  The Bestie just jammed up the shredder.  Now she’s all panicked.  I’m just laughing.

18.  I’m suuuuch a good Bestie.

19.  Also I have suuuuch a headache.  Can you get a hangover from late night talking? 

20.  Ok, The Bestie wants dibs on this last Keyboard Confession.  She says they’ve totally worn out that Taylor Swift song “You Belong With Me”.  Word, Bestie.  Word.

Happy Friday.

Adventures with Edward: Edward and the Infomercial

Setting:  The Barbie Mansion

One day, Edward is kickin it in the Barbie Mansion. 

He’s watching his favorite show:

LOST.  Best show EVER.  He settles in and watches a re-run.  He’s very confused. 

A commercial comes on.  Edward is instantly captivated.

“The Micro-Snuggie*!” he shouts.  “Please can I get one?  Please?  Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee?”

And because I’m a sucker for cute vampire dolls, I say yes.

Edward orders a Snuggie to match his scarf. 

Three weeks later, it arrives. 

Edward tries it on.

“Well, whaddya think?” Edward says, standing ever so proudly in his new Snuggie.

“Erm, very…manly,” I say. 

Edward goes back to watching LOST re-runs.  He feels like he’s in the Snuggie infomercial.  Too bad there’s no Barbie remote.

Durned if I’m not jealous of Edward’s Snuggie.

* This is not actually a Snuggie.  Please do not contact Snuggie asking for a Snuggie, else I shall be sued.

Monday is a royal pain

Dude, get me a Slim Jim while you’re in there.  Ooh and a Big Gulp with Dr. Pepper, mkay?

 

-Things the Queen would never say

Keyboard Confessions

1.  Today is Friday the 13th.  I really hope I see someone dressed up in a hockey mask with a knife in hand or else the hype of this day will be lost. 

2.  Take my advice:  don’t eat a banana and then immediately drink from a soda can.  Trust me on this. 

3.  *Burp*  ugh…gross.

4.  Guess what?  Painting for 5 hours straight will kill your arms.  I know, I was surprised too.

5.  I totally stole the Hubs’ new jacket.  I’m not giving it back.  Ever.  *cuddling in the soft squishiness of the jacket*

6.  Pennies are money.  Except guess what?  No one likes it when you use pennies in the Self-Checkout lines at Wal-Mart.  Trust me on this.

7.  Ever wanted to be a Ninja?  Alls you gotta do is learn to Glare.

8.  Now in case you’re like me and end up stabbing yourself in the forehead and eyeball trying to do the complicated hand gesture thingy, here is a tutorial.  Yes I’m serious.

9.  You’re welcome.

10.  I have obtained three more Christmas gifts.  That makes a total of five.  I am still very very very behind. 

11.  I’m very glad to say that my love for Party in the USA has waned.  I only watch the video like…three times a week.  Tops. 

12.  I let some folks in on the upcoming Adventures with Edward posts.  There was a whole lot of staring.  Most of it was by The Hubs.

13.  Do you think the Queen gets on the innernets? 

14.  Do you think the Queen reads my blog?  I know, she’d totally love it.

15.  Do you think Stephenie Meyer reads my Adventures with Edward?  I know, she’d totally LOL.  Or sue me, one of the two.

16.  I’ve given up on making risotto.  It’s just too much pressure to be a good cook. 

17.  Hubs and I just switched sides of the bed.  Which means it feels like I’m totally getting up on the wrong side of the bed.

18.  Today is the last day to enter this giveaway:  http://www.wendiwinn.com/2009/11/giveaway-13.html

19.  I super hope I win. 

20.  Happy Friday!