Archive for December, 2008

You miss me, don’t you?

Alas, days have gone by with nary an update from me. 

But you’re probably recovering from holiday letdown, so I’m not too worried.

Ok, for this day-before-New-Year’s-Eve post, I shall give you another list of bizarre search terms that people use to find little ole me.

felted coasters

Well, that’s because of this post.  It seems, I’m really not original like I thought I was. 

how to make a hooded towel

Understandable, as I did this post to show you interested folks.  Now here’s where it gets really weird.

ocd sounds

Hmm.  What does OCD sound like?  I immediately think of Turrets Syndrome.  Or perhaps repeated mutterings of “must wash hands…must wash hands…”

stuffed animal stores in colorado

Well, perhaps some poor soul is online right now, hunting for a stuffed animal store in Colorado called “Sounds Like Tomatoes.”  Weird, but possible.

“i think it might go something like this

Hello, unnecessary quotation mark user!  Welcome to my blog.

multi peirced male genitalia

Erm…

“little mermaid” cleavage

Really, folks.  Just what are you thinking about?  You know what, I don’t really want to know.

ah me sexy.com

Well, I am sexy.  There’s no denying that.  Just kidding, sort of.

“cottage cheese alfredo”

I’m sorry.  I can hardly look at that without throwing up a little in my mouth.  Blech.  (You see, I have this thing with white things:  cottage cheese, Alfredo, mayo, sour cream, milk, etc.  It’s yucky.)

and lastly…

http://www.barbie and the christmas spirit game

Dude, if it’s Barbie, chances are my kids want it.

The post where I tell you how stellar I am at getting things done in a timely and professional manner

I know, you’re thinking, can you make that post name any longer, Kearsie?  Well, smart alecky blog reader, I’m sure I could if you really want me to go there.

Sorry.

I’m grouchy today.  It’s Monday, and I so do not want to be at work.  I’d much rather be curled up in my flannel jammies watching A Christmas Story or listening to Addie have imaginary soap operaesque conversations on her cell phone.  Alas, here I am. 

So, last year, around Christmas, I told my mother in law that I was going to make some new stockings for her house.  See, the stockings she had were just…paltry attempts at Christmas cheer.  They were drab and boring and I really hope she didn’t make them and is reading this because I will so be getting something terrible in mine. 

Anyways, so I said I was going to make her some that would reflect all our personalities.  (Just us adults, the kids get snowmen and junk.)  She agreed, and I got to work. 

My father in law is a cowboy.  Like, for real, there are cows surrounding our house and he’s as comfortable on a horse as I am on my couch.  He’s got a successful horse boarding and horse riding training business.  So, of course, I made him a cowboy boot.

Cowboy boot stocking

Reitzel's Cowboy boot

 

Ok, so it’s not a perfect boot.  Dude, it’s way hard sewing leather, so just nod and let’s move along.

My mother in law is supa stylish and classy.  So, I made her a black satin high heeled boot.

Ginger's black boot

Ginger's black boot

   

Once again, way hard sewing with satin.  But since love is in the details, I added a zipper.  Try to ignore the fact that she’ll be lucky if we can fit a pencil in there.   

My sister in law is always at the height of fashion.  She’s bold, she’s daring  and she makes me feel frumpy.  But I love her anyways so I made her an Ugg boot.  Which was popular last year and will most likely be on the “Do not wear unless you want to be thought of as unstylish and ugly” list soon.  Whatevah. 
Merriem's Ugg boot

Merriem's Ugg boot

There was white fuzz on me from head to toe, but I thought this was nice.  Details included gathered seam, just like on a real boot and giant poofy puff balls.  The fact that the poofy puff balls weigh the entire thing down and make the stocking fold over on itself is best left unmentioned.  You see how I had to prop them up on the window ledge?  I know, nice.

For my brother in law, Danny, I made a clown shoe.  Danny started writing not too long ago and is way too funny.  Seriously, we mustn’t tell him because he already has a hard time finding a hat to fit his huge head.  Just kidding, except for the freakishly large head.  Haha, Danny, I know you’re reading this.  You may spike my fruit tea but maybe I made your assistant, Laurie laugh and that’ll make three weeks in the hospital worth it. 

Danny's clown shoe

Danny's clown shoe

 *Shudder*…sorry, I was having It flashbacks.  “Oh yes Georgie, they float.  They all float down here”… *shudder*.

So, then it was just down to me and Lance.  All year long, I would remember that I had to work on them. 

March 18th:  Hmm, what to do for me and Lance.  Oh, I’ve got 9 months, who cares?

August 3:  Dude, what should I make for me and Lance?  Psh, I’ve still got time.

October 29:  Dang, I really need to figure this out.  I’ll get right on that.

November 30:  Crap, WHAT SHOULD I DO FOR ME AND LANCE?  MUST MAKE THEM NOW.

December 21:  Sigh.  I just don’t care.  My fingers are bleeding from all the knitting I’ve done and I cannot bring myself to think of another crafty thing.

 

So this is what we have:

Stockings for me and Lance
Stockings for me and Lance

You know what?  I think that reflects our personality perfectly.

Addie’s cell phone

So today, to prepare for the onslaught of new toys and junk that will soon be crowding our already tiny apartment, I went through all the girls stuff.

I made them help, if only to sit there for moral support.  Mostly, as I uncovered toys they had forgotten about, they just played with long lost treasures.  

Addie found her Princess Arial cell phone and proceeded to have a conversation.  Here was what I heard:

“You have to save the world, or else we’re all dead.” 

then I heard:

“You don’t have to talk to me like that, I will so hang up this phone.”

but what really scared me was:

“I know, I love you, too.”

 

Erm, is someone letting her watch soap operas behind my back?

Reflections eating chicken

I am sitting at a minuscule lunch table with my daughter, noshing on a chicken leg.  We are celebrating the birth of Christ with M&Ms and a cheese ball, just the way I like.  Emma has a big smile on her face.  She’s sitting across from me and next to her best friend, Callie.  I’ve just finished with Addie’s party and am now enjoying Emma’s.  I’m also secretly wondering if the teachers have to use illegal stimulants to keep up with these kids.  For real.

Anyways, I am looking around at all the smiling faces.  The kids who are soon going to be let out for Christmas holidays, the teachers who are probably secretly shouting for joy on the inside that they are done for the year.  I’m cracking up at the expressions of grandparents and family members who have never been around multiple children jacked up on red dye and high fructose corn syrup.  They’re a little shell shocked.

I’m eating my tiny chicken leg watching my daughter talk about Junie B. Jones to her BFF, and I’m thinking a really deep thought…

Why don’t eggs taste anything like chicken?

 

Happy Friday!

And the winner is ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Um, that’s supposed to look like a drum roll.

~~~~~ Jaime Williamson! 

Congratulations!  You are now the proud owner of a one of a kind, hand made, recycled wool sweater Earth ornament!  May you hang it on your tree and think of me…and, you know, the world and stuff. 

In all seriousness, I love globes and pictures of the world, and even those little globe key chains because I need constant reminders that He, in fact, does hold the world in His hands, even the little bitty babies and you and me.  And if you have no idea who “He” is that I’m referring to, I’d love to tell you all about Him.

Thank you for participating in my first ever giveaway and if you are like, sobbing at your computer right now because you did not win, contact me and maybe I can be persuaded to make you one.  For the right incentive, of course, haha.

Muah, and happy Thursday.

Jaime, if you will kindly email me at soundsliketomatoes@gmail.com with your mailing address, I shall drop this in the mail as soon as I receive it.  Thank you and congratulations again!

And Robin, just remember that I WASN’T ALONE IN THE FRENCH FRY INCIDENT.  HAHAHA!

Don’t forget to leave a comment for my giveaway

Don’t forget to sign up for the Earth Ornament One Of A Kind Giveaway Extravaganza on this post.

 

I shall pick a winner at 5:00 this afternoon!  Unless something unfortunate falls and I am not at my computer at 5:00 in which case I shall do it … later.  I shall post results tomorrow.

Adventures in sickness

Here’s a riddle for you:

What’s more fun than taking one of your sick children with you to your doctor’s appointment?

The answer:  Taking BOTH your sick children with you to your doctor’s appointment.

Sigh.

December.  It conjures up so many happy and fun images.  I think it’s because your brain tries to trick you into forgetting all the sicknesses that hit you around this time of year.  You just remember Christmas, trees and lights, presents and hot apple cider, Christmas cards that make you wistful and nostalgic, caloric goodies like cakes and pies…but those are just some of December’s offerings.

It all started a few weeks ago.  One day, sitting at my desk, I had a thought:  hmm, my nose feels funny.  And I went back to my work, typing something uber important like facebook statuses and blog posts.  Just kidding… mostly.  

Then my children began to show signs of The Sick.  I crammed vitamin C down their throats and made them nap on perfectly good Saturdays, hoping to stave off impending sickness.

It just didn’t work.  Both my daughters have strep, Addie’s version including a lovely red rash which makes her strep more like scarlet fever.  But they are now being medicated and are doing much better.

I, however, was not. 

Monday, I arrived at work, dragging my professionally clad self to my desk where I sat much of the day with my chin propped in my hand, desperately wishing I could go home and get drunk on Nyquil.  At one point in the day, I had to leave for a meeting with a lady who sends me work for child support stuff.  It was kind of an important meeting as it would be addressing my role in some upcoming changes, so you know, it was sort of a given that I would need to pay strict attention.  Most of that meeting I tried not to look as dizzy as I felt.  I stared at the typed agenda she had prepared and heard words filter through my mucus saturated mind…Blah blah blah Defendant blah blah blah child support orders blah blah blah jail time blah blah blah Kearsie blah blah blah.  I would blearily look up, nod, clear my yucky throat that felt like I was swallowing lava and attempt to make important sounding comments.  I think I tricked them, because no one seemed to noticed I was half dead.  

 

Back at the office, I realized I just needed to go ahead and see a doctor.  Which meant finding one that takes our insurance.  Which meant lots of brain cells being stretched to their feeble max.  Finally I found a doctor, called their office, only to discover I couldn’t be seen until today.  I might have whimpered out loud, I don’t remember, but I agreed to it and hung up.  

 

Enter today, where my children had to go with me because they are still contagious and can’t be around other petri dishes, aka children. Although, the rate they are bickering tells me they feel better from their antibiotics.

 

When you are sick, small details that skip your mind when you are healthy are like giant banners.  Like, at the doctor’s office, knowing that as a new patient you will have to fill out a packet of information nigh unto an inquisition and the  office clerk would much rather exchange witty banter with the lady who came in to get her prescriptions changed from one CVS pharmacy to another than to just hand over the new patient papers.  That grabs your attention.  I tried to restrain myself from reaching across the counter and grabbing the clerk’s scrub top and shaking her while screaming, “Give me the durn paperwork, woman!”  Or how when you are standing there turning them in and the lady who wants her meds changed over is loudly declaring to the office what idiots must work here and she turns to YOU and asks if you think they’re idiots…that gets your attention. I’m not sure what tactic I would have used if I was mentally 100% but today, I chose the “I am ignoring you, possible mental patient lady” tactic and stared straight ahead.

 

They took my weight, my blood pressure, my temperature and swabbed my throat, all the while Addie is in entertainment mode.  Although, bless her little blond heart, she doesn’t realize what she says is so dad-gummed funny, she’s just being herself. I’m telling you, that kid is going to make me rich.  We finally get into the tiny exam room, where my girls have to sit side by side on a small chair and I sit on an uncomfortable stool.  But, thankfully, these were smart doctors and they had installed TVs in the rooms and the nurse handed me a remote to find cartoons for the girls.  We sit and watch Clifford the Big Red Dog and converse on how there are no big dogs, nor red ones either, and isn’t that so silly.  All the while, I am trying to just swallow without showing visible pain.

The doctor comes in, takes one whiff of the aroma that comes off us and tells me that she smells strep.  Which, I have to say is very impressive.  Maybe she is sniffing something else on the side, but if she gets me magic pills to make the pain go away, I really don’t care what she sniffs.  She pronounces me as another victim of strep, writes a prescription and sends me on my way.

I herd the children to the car, drive to Walmart, infecting people left and right, which I totally could care less about at this point, and turn in my prescription at the pharmacy.  I’m told it will take 30 minutes, at which I whimper out loud but nod in understanding and shuffle my children off to the books, where we infect several dozen books but keeps them silent and busy.

Here I sit, medicated, still having trouble swallowing but feeling better if only mentally. 

Here’s hoping that you, too, are having a mentally healthy day.