I am in deep smit

Ode to my wet-to-dry flat iron:

Oh, how I love thee.

Your black enamel casing quietly hides your power.

When I unlock your locking mechanism.

I am transported to a whole new world of heat therapy.

With your three settings, high being my favorite,

Your level of heat transforms my wet locks to dry tresses.

It’s not your fault I haven’t had a haircut in 6 months

and my ends are all jagged.

I shan’t even mention it.

Except I just did mention it.

Let me instead dote on your steam vents

that release …erm, steam of course

that sometimes burns my hand

or scalp

or fingers

or anything flesh related.

It’s my fault for not paying attention

and my children’s fault for dripping toothpaste on me.

But I digress, sweet flat iron.

Where was I?  Oh yes.

Your tiny foldable frame fits so nicely in my palm.

Although, I do get a small cramp when I have to squeeze the tong thingies for humongously long periods of time

and I think I said a small cuss word in your presence when I gave myself a crimp.

Forgive me, sweet iron.

It’s not your fault I am so inept

and chose to grow long hair

or even the fact that I have staticky hair later.

That’s not your fault, either.

Is staticky a real word?

I don’t know.

But love is a word, so are joy and devotion.

All are words I use in tandem with thee, sweet flat iron.

Please don’t break on me, I shall cry real tears.

Thank you for the one good hair day I’ve had in 3 years.


11 responses to this post.

  1. You are a dream come true. Your straightener should be writing an ode to YOU and your awesomeness.


  2. Posted by Jaime Williamson on January 20, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    So…give us a picture of your hair and your straightner! Get with the program…we have to see the hero!


  3. Woah…I think I will print this out and stick it next to the Song of Solomon! As I continue to unpack the beauty and mystery of marriage provided by God, I will also yoke to a flat iron, and unpack the beauty and mystery of smooth, flat hair provided by a Revlon utility!


  4. I just love you.


  5. dude. i’d iron your hair with a real iron if your flat iron broke. that’s dedication.


  6. Posted by cassy on January 20, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    this is fantastic! i too have a special place in my heart for my flat iron. i cannot really remember life before i had one!
    and i’m with jamie-post some pics!!!!!!!!


  7. Oh, I have decided that the curling (and/or flat) iron is a cheap way to get permanent tattoos……I have a neck (and hand) (and scalp) of them to prove it.
    I hear ya!


  8. Posted by Aunt Melissa on January 21, 2009 at 3:44 am

    Not to be a downer, but “better than a no hair day” any day.


  9. I love how you’re sort of pointing out all the flaws simulatenously. I bet you’re a real charmer. 😉


  10. always nice to adore something for that long 🙂


    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on January 21, 2009 at 7:41 pm

      Well, you know odes are really long. I was sort of running out of worthy accolades by the end, but I was a slave to the ode.


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