Posts Tagged ‘Snuggie’

Monday is a royal pain

It is wicked cold in here!  Where’s my Snuggie?

 

– Things the Queen would never say

Keyboard Confessions

1.  You know, I was beginning to think no one read these confessions until I skipped last week.  Then I had all kinds of questions- “Where are the Confessions??”  “Kearsie, did you disappear?”  “Please will you continue doing your Confessions??”

2.  …Ok, that might be a bit of a stretch.  It was only one person who noticed.  And she didn’t ask questions.  It was more like “Dude, there’s some Confessions missing from your blog.”

3.  So I like to read into things, ok?

4.  I don’t own a robe.  This is not really interesting at all, but this is what I was thinking of when I fell asleep last night.

5.  However, even if I owned a robe, I don’t think I’d ever have time to wear it. 

6.  My life is so not like the movies.  I don’t wake up at 4:30 a.m., shower, walk around in a robe for an hour with perfectly styled hair, slowly sipping on a cup of coffee, having witty banter with my kids at the breakfast table.

7.  Nay.  My mornings usually are more like repeating one phrase over and over:  hurry up!!!  we’re gonna be late!!!  hurry up!!!  we’re gonna be late!!! and then leaving the house with wet hair. 

8.  So, I think I’m ok with no robe.

9.  I’d much rather have a Snuggie.  To match Edward.

10.  It turns out, most of the folks around me think I’ve taken things a bit too far with my Edward doll.  Dude, what is so wrong with sewing a tshirt for Edward doll?  I don’t make fun of anyone else’s hobby, unless you collect Dale Earnhart, Jr. plates or something.  Then, hey, you’re just asking for it.

11.  …if one of you precious readers collects Dale Earnhart, Jr. collectable plates, I promise I will not make fun of you.  And I might even let you hold Edward doll.

12.  Sometimes, my office chair sinks down.  I’m pretty sure this is nature’s way of saying I’ve put on some weight.

13.  I gave my girls this tiny Christmas tree that stands about 1 foot tall.  They put it in their Barbie Mansion.  It needed lights, so I went to Walmart and found a tiny strand that is battery operated. They are super cute.  But guess what?  I’m pretty sure the light makers soaked the strand in cat pee.  The words “it stinks” is clearly understated.

14.  I found a tiny Santa coat.  That’s all I’m gonna say.

15.  My Hubs says after Christmas I am not allowed to sew or knit for a few months.  I suppose hearing me constantly complain of the pain in my wrist is a bit annoying.

16.  Guess what?  When your wrist is in constant pain having to sign 900 gagillion office Christmas cards is SO.MUCH.FUN.

17.  By Card # 3 I was like “screw it” and just basically scribbled.

18.  That’s ok, they can’t pronounce my name anyways.

19.  If anyone is missing some boogers, it’s because they are all in my nose.

20.  I have a date on Saturday.  So if you see the boogery nose lady all wrapped up in a hat and gloves, that would be me. 

Happy Friday!

Keyboard Confessions

1.  My bestie, Robin, is here from Alaska.

2.  This means I went to bed very very late.

3.  No one is allowed to talk about New Moon with me.  Because me and The Bestie won’t be going until tomorrow.

4.  Also, I’m suspecting The Hubs is jealous of not getting to see New Moon with me.

5.  I also am suspecting that Snuggie could be suing me over yesterday’s Adventures with Edward post.

6.  Wouldn’t that totally suck?  “Why are you doing time, Kearsie?”  “Oh, I killed a man, did a B & E at my bank, I made a Snuggie for my Twilight Doll”. 

7.  I bet those inmates would think I was so hard core.

8.  I wonder if I could bring my Edward doll to jail?  That’d make a killer post “Adventures with Edward: Edward does time for an infomercial”.

9.  Oh my gosh, I’m totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.

10.  Ya’ll, I am not totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.  I just say that stuff.  *wipes eyes*

11.  One more Christmas gift down.  Since you’re all curious of my progress.

12.  It’s kind of embarrassing how The Bestie will see how little I work.

13.  I’m trying to type away so it looks like I’m busy.  However, she just watched me typing my blog, so I don’t think she’s all that impressed.

14.  It’s so liberating to have friends you can talk about poop with and they don’t ditch you.

15.  It’s also liberating that some friends have Edward dolls and don’t judge.

16.  The Runner just made The Bestie shred paper. 

17.  The Bestie just jammed up the shredder.  Now she’s all panicked.  I’m just laughing.

18.  I’m suuuuch a good Bestie.

19.  Also I have suuuuch a headache.  Can you get a hangover from late night talking? 

20.  Ok, The Bestie wants dibs on this last Keyboard Confession.  She says they’ve totally worn out that Taylor Swift song “You Belong With Me”.  Word, Bestie.  Word.

Happy Friday.

Adventures with Edward: Edward and the Infomercial

Setting:  The Barbie Mansion

One day, Edward is kickin it in the Barbie Mansion. 

He’s watching his favorite show:

LOST.  Best show EVER.  He settles in and watches a re-run.  He’s very confused. 

A commercial comes on.  Edward is instantly captivated.

“The Micro-Snuggie*!” he shouts.  “Please can I get one?  Please?  Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee?”

And because I’m a sucker for cute vampire dolls, I say yes.

Edward orders a Snuggie to match his scarf. 

Three weeks later, it arrives. 

Edward tries it on.

“Well, whaddya think?” Edward says, standing ever so proudly in his new Snuggie.

“Erm, very…manly,” I say. 

Edward goes back to watching LOST re-runs.  He feels like he’s in the Snuggie infomercial.  Too bad there’s no Barbie remote.

Durned if I’m not jealous of Edward’s Snuggie.

* This is not actually a Snuggie.  Please do not contact Snuggie asking for a Snuggie, else I shall be sued.