Posts Tagged ‘search engine terms’

Search Engine Terms, better known as How Weirdos Find Me

So, occassionally I like to post some strange search terms that folks Google that takes them to this here bloggity blog.  Here’s the latest.

words that sound like tomato

Hmm…potato?  That’s all I got. 

he paid me to rub my feet

Does he look like Tom Welling?  If so, I will let him pay me to rub my feet too. 

motivator sounds like

A dirty word, that’s what it sounds like.  At least to bad word replacer at Oxygen.

full bladder sweating

Umm, they make products for that.  Like Depends.

cow aerobic

Is this like, words that don’t go together?  Ooh  I wanna try!  Hmm…ok here goes:  cat pee christmas lights.  Durn, I think I’m missing something here.

ninja glare sheet music

Oh man, if you find the sheet music to “Ninja Glare” I will sooo buy it.  Because I know this one girl who would pay through the nose for it.

birds on tree poop my car

Wow.  That poor bird.  To poop a whole car.  Wow.

tomatoes give me gas

Febreze, my friend.

Search Engine Terms

Tis time for another glimpse into the minds of the weirdos fine people who stumble upon this here blog.

 

permed afro hairstyle for white women

Now, what strikes me as funny is TWO different people googled that and hit my blog.  Because I have a permed afro hairstyle for a white woman.  Or because of this picture:

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can nads be used on nostril hair?

Erm…Huh?

 

why do birds keep pooping on my car?

For the same reason they poop on mine, because it looks like a public toilet to them.

 

do I have to floss everyday?

Well, not according to the dental hygenist lady who cleaned my teeth…

 

twilight my husband breath

Erm, well, hmm…

 

ugliest girl

Dang, that’s just cold. 

 

she sound like man

Only in the mornings, I assure you.

 

I’m afraid of scary movies, what do I do?

Well, inquisitive friend, I think you might consider NOT watching them.  Aren’t I so smart?

 

hoot mullet fingers’ head

Put the crack pipe down, my friend.  We can get you some help.

 

bad girls in handcuffs

No no, see, it was my husband in the handcuffs

 

kearsie likes porn

Dang. 

(Editor’s note:  I TOTALLY don’t like porn.  This is a joke.  A bad one.  By my sister.)

 

I say me name

I say me name too.  K-EAR-see

 

tla 4ever

OMG, I totally LYLAS for saying that.  Dearly, not queerly.

More search engine terms

Tis time to do another post of search engine terms used to find this here blog.

 

Wedgie picking voyeur

Hmm.  Well…hmm.  I suppose this is better than “booger picking voyeur”.

 

Coaster porn

I wonder if I am using the word “porn” too much. 

 

Filming + “peed outside”

Shame on you, whoever this is.  Shame.

 

Sounds like tomatoes

This makes me tear up just a little.  In joy.

 

Ode to laundry

This one makes me tear up a lot.  In joy.  Because I wrote this ode.  That not one person commented on.  Not.bitter.at.all.about.that.

 

What is wrong being asian?

Not one thing, according to me.  Although, I’m not sure why that led you to my blog.

 

“my bunions”

I understand your pain, friend.  Truly.

 

How to not be afraid of scary movies

Dude, when you find the answer to this, please let me know. 

 

Happy Tuesday.

First grade

It’s here.  The big day as finally arrived.  The first day of school.

Emma's first day of 1st grade

Emma's first day of 1st grade

 

If I squint really hard, concentrate with all my might, I can picture my first grade.  Actually, I went to two different schools in first grade.  I only have a few memories.  Here they are in no particular order:

1.  I remember I wet my pants and had to wear boys underwear because that’s all the nurse had.

2.  I remember I went to a Christian school for a couple of months and everyone was really mean.  They sang songs like “The 12 Pink Slips” (given to bad kids who got paddled). 

3.  I was way into Strawberry Shortcake.

4.  My teacher, Mrs. Scroggins, had a baby and my mom made her baby a blanket.

5.  Phonics.

 

And that’s it.  That’s the culmination of my first grade memories.

Tomorrow is Addie’s first day of K-4.  She’s getting staggered in, which makes her think she’s getting stabbed.  Poor kid.

On a different note…

Occassionally folks happen upon this blog because of crazy terms they use to search.  I happen to have a list and they are hilarious.  Here are some of the best:

left husband met online

Which I write about all the time, don’tcha think?

lance sensation fabric softener

Huh?  Look I can type random words too:  stapler, tooth brush, airplane.

castrating calves

Yes!  My favorite subject, and wonderful dinner conversation too, I might add.

los angeles pinball

Ummm, I have no response for this. 

“am i hot”

Well, duh.  Didn’t you see this picture?

That chick on the right is HOT.

That chick on the right is HOT.

horse having gigantic sloppy stinky poo on human cartoons

Wow.  I can see where my blog contains lots of horses having gigantic sloppy stinky poos.  You’re not cool unless this is your blog topic of choice.

knit pattern sesame st alien yep yep

I’m curious.  Whoever typed this in, are you on crack?  Just wondering.

 

Well, tomorrow is another big day for the Murphy’s as Addie heads off to “real” school.  So stay tuned.