Posts Tagged ‘New Moon’

Adventures with Edward: Edward goes to the movies

Setting:  Outside the movie theater

Edward is chillin and relaxin on the fountain outside of the movie theater.  He’s all set to see New Moon.  If nothing other than to make fun of Jacob.  And drool for Bella.  She looks just like this doll he knows.

He’s got on his TEAM EDWARD shirt, to show his support.  The puff paint looks very manly.

Suddenly, he looks over and sees…himself.

 

“Hi!” the copy of himself says.  It’s eerie.  Except for the scarf and Tshirt, this guy looks JUST LIKE HIM.

“Hi!” says Edward.  They stare at each other for a moment.  It’s like a Twilight Zone moment.  They have the same Pea Coat, the same tight fitting jeans. They even have the same spiky hair.

“We must be brothers.  Separated at birth.  I’m Edward,” says the Edward copy.

“Dude.  My name is Edward too.  I’m going to see New Moon.  Wanna see it with me?”

“Sure, dude.”

They stare at each other for another moment, then go for a man, er- doll hug.  It’s awkward and plasticky and their arms don’t bend, but whatever.  Bros for life.

Inside in the theater, they share a seat and watch the movie.  Jacob definitely has the abs.  But Edward has the Bella. 

Too bad the concession stand doesn’t sell any mountain lion or gazelles.

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Pur-lease

Ok, so.  You all out there who read this know that I’m a big fan of Twilight. 

I have the books.

I have the movie.

I even have my tickets to New Moon tucked safely in my bag along with my Edward doll.

I didn’t think too much about the silly consumerism involving Tshirts with TEAM EDWARD or TEAM JACOB. 

I didn’t even scoff when a friend sent me the link to these:

twilight-dolls-500x375

Nay. I did not scoff.  Instead I planned a whole new Adventures with Edward post. 

However.

And I repeat with meaning – However.

I just came across a link to Nordstrom featuring their whole new New Moon line.  And this is just too much folks.  TOO MUCH.

I give you the Luna Twilight DuWop LipVenom Lip Gloss

_5890679

 

On behalf of the consumer world, I apologize to you,  Stephenie Meyer.  I’m sure that all those late nights of typing on your computer, creating the world of Twilight this is just what you envisioned- makeup products.  I’m sorry.  I bet you are shuddering right now.   I’ll bet you are just on the edge of your seat dreaming up the Twilight Garbage Can with matching Twilight Pillowcase/Bedsheet set.  I bet you are wondering when the Twilight Toilet Paper or Twilight Toothbrushor excuse me- Twilight Fangbrush will come out next.  When the *chokes back tears* Twilight Cereal will be on shelves for little girls and boys and teenagers and Twilight Moms to breakfast with.  Alas for you and your baby called Twilight.

But who knows?  Maybe Stephenie Meyer uses the Twilight Venom lip gloss with pride.  Or the Luna Twilight “Just Bitten” Staining Balm.  Or maybe even the Luna Twilight “First Light” Face Glow.  *eye roll*

…Also, I wonder if that lip gloss is flavored?  Hmm, if it’s cherry, I think I want some myself.

Keyboard Confessions

1.  You’re all scratching your head in confusification.  Today isn’t Friday.  But I like to shake things up.  Also I like to go through bouts of writer’s block and have nothing to write other than lists.  One of those statements is true.

2.  I just read some of the best books ever.  I always say that.  But this time I mean it.  Again.  Anyways.  Hunger Games and Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins.  Seriously.  SO GOOD.

3.  The fact that I can only write in lists now has me worried.  If I wrote my own eulogy, I’m pretty sure it’d be a list. 

4.  I spent $7.00 on zit creme from Mary Kay.  It was $7.00 well spent.

5.  When hosting a birthday party at a barn with 9 little girls, pick the hardest craft in the world for them to do, like making a stick horse.  Seriously, it makes the party so.much.fun. 

6.  Also, only buy one glue gun and make the girls stand in a line for an hour and make them take turns getting stuff glued on.

7.  I might be the best party planner ever.

8.  Or I might be just really really dumb.

9.  I had this dream recently that I wrapped myself in Saran Wrap to make myself sweat.  When I woke up, I really had the urge to do this.

10.  Only 87 days left until Christmas.  I am beginning to panic.

11.  I can only knit so fast, you know.

12.  I am also thinking of making some of these cuties.

Black Apple Rag Dolls as seen on Martha Stewart

Black Apple Rag Dolls as seen on Martha Stewart

13.  But if Shauna has a boy, I might need to learn to make one of these.

Stuffed Robot

Stuffed Robot

14.  In 8 days I’ll be walking the streets of Boulder, Colorado.  Not in a street walker kind of way, just the normal street walking kind of way.  Erm. 

15.  It will be the first time since all my gestating began 9 years ago that The Hubs and I shall be off on our own. 

16.  I plan on bringing Edward doll with me, because he’s always in my handbag.  I wonder what the airport X-ray people will think when they see him…

17.  “Is that an Edward doll?  Security!”

18.  My BFF from high school is coming down in 51 days to see New Moonwith me.  We’re thinking of making T-shirts that say TEAM JACOB JUST FOR NEW MOON

19.  Or I might go ahead and make a T-shirt that says TEAM EWOK

20. Or I might just wear regular clothes.  Whatever.

Happy Friday Tuesday.