Posts Tagged ‘kids’

Mom

With Mother’s Day just a stone’s throw away, I thought I’d introduce you to my mom.  Also, I will not be throwing any stones.  Maybe Orbit gum wrappers.  Or used Kleenex.  Whatever.

My mom was a wee babe herself when she found out she was pregnant with me.  I can only imagine how scary it must have been to barely be a teenager and all of a sudden became a mother. I was the ripe old age of 25 when I had my first, and I was terrified then.

1975

1975

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The fashion malaise starts early with me

The fashion malaise starts early with me

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But I must have been a happy kid, because all my childhood pictures are of me grinning and getting into trouble.  Like this:

Check out my mad accessory skillz

Check out my mad accessory skillz

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I hunted and hunted for photos with me and my mom, but unfortunately, like so many mothers, she was the one always behind the camera.

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When I was seven, my sister was born.  Once again, during an extremely stressful time for my mom.  But we had a whole lotta love going on between the three of us.  Also, be prepared for extreme gawkiness.

The Tooth Fairy visited a lot that year.

The Tooth Fairy visited a lot that year.

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And time marched on as it does so well, and we grew up.  I developed my keen sense of personality and joie de vive, also known as Teenage Attitude.  Whatev.

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After awhile, my mom remarried.  Also, she had the most excellent Mall Hair ever.

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And then, I married and a few years later, joined the ranks of Motherhood.

There is NEVER a dull moment with my family.

There is NEVER a dull moment with my family.

My mom is going to KILL me for adding this, but I just had to show you the crazy sense of humor I was raised in.  That’s my Gma in the middle, striking the baby bump pose with me.  I love you Mom, please don’t harsh on my funny.

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When I had Emma, I finally understood that crazy thing we call love.  That thing that makes you stare at a little squishy leaky person with pure adoration and awe.  I got it.  I hope I never ever lose it.

Emma

Emma

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Then we had Addie.  Having my second child was a whole new life.  She was so completely different from Emma, but she added a whole missing dimension to our family. We were complete.

Emma and her Baby Addie

Emma and her Baby Addie

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Alas, I suck as a parent, because I could find very few pictures of Addie that aren’t already cemented into her scrapbook.  So we’ll jump ahead a few years.  This is one of my faves of Addie:

DSC00008Man, I miss my kids when they were so little.  Wasn’t she a doll?

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I am so blessed to have my girls.  They are such a joy when they aren’t driving me crazy.  I can’t imagine life without them.  The world has more color, more depth.  Motherhood is dang hard, but man, it is also awesome.

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Emma Wemma and Addinator Alligator

Emma Wemma and Addinator Alligator

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To my mother: Thank you so much for being my Unordinary Mom.  For your sacrifices, for late night talks, for giving me swear words, for buying me makeup when I turned 11.  I owe a lot to you, and I thank God for you.  Muah.

To my children:  I am honored to be your Momma.  I pray I am a good example, a best friend and a confidant.  I love you to the moon.  Also, be kind to me and don’t post pics of me when I was a fatty in the future, ok?  Muah.

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What my children hear when I talk

I said:

Pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper.

They heard:

Pick up your clothes but leave your underwear on the floor as well as one sock. Take the rest of your clothes, wad them up and leave them on the floor in front of the hamper and leave your sock all squished up.

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I said:

Hurry up and brush your teeth.

They heard:

Go as slow as humanly possible, stopping to touch and maybe break some things on the way to the bathroom.  Once in front of the sink, stare at yourself in the mirror making funny faces and/or sit down and fold your arms and pout.  When using the toothpaste, be sure to wipe some on the counter and do not rinse your spit out of the sink at all.  Also, throw the towel on the floor.

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I said:

You may have one snack but make sure you throw your trash away.

They heard:

Eat three snacks, make sure you scatter as many crumbs as possible and leave out all your trash so it looks like a landfill.  Then touch all over the TV and computer screens so they are disgusting.

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I said:

Make sure you throw away all the little scraps of paper when you are done making crafts.

They heard:

Pick up about 10% of the trash so you can say you cleaned up. Leave out the glue stick without a lid so I can step on it in the middle of the night which will be cold and slimy and make all the little pieces of paper stick to my pasty foot.

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I said:

Read a book if you’re bored.

They heard:

I want to torture and punish you by making you read which is like doing school at home.  I don’t care if you have any fun whatsoever.  I am out to get you.

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 I said:

Turn off the TV, you’ve watched enough.

They heard:

I am the meanest mother in the entire world.  I am awful and am depriving you of all joy.  I am not as cool as your friends’ mothers who let them watch TV all they want.  Also, I want you to pitch a huge fit because I’ve not had enough stress in my day.

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I said:

You’ve already been to the bathroom and had a drink of water, so stay in your beds. Good night.

They heard:

I want you to get up at least 4 more times, thereby causing me to lose my mind and make sure when you get your 3rd drink of water you spill it all over the bathroom floor.  Stay up way too late giggling about poop so you will be extra tired in the morning.  Also, pee in your bed around 3:00 a.m. because I like to do laundry at that hour.

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Husband said:

Don’t worry, they are in bed now.  The day is over and you can rest.

I heard:

You will live the same day over and over again.  You are stuck in your own version of Groundhog Day.  You need to find some happy pills, STAT.

Mentally scarring my children early

Can you believe it’s almost time for school to start again?  I spent my lunch hour yesterday shopping for school supplies, remembering when I had my own wooden ruler with the little metal bar that sliced up my fingers and doing random things like pouring glue on my hand and letting it dry and then revelling in peeling it off.  You know, all the things kids learn to do in school.  At least I wasn’t eating the glue like some kids I know.

Anyways, so I was reading aloud the letter informing us of open house dates and times and I came to the portion of the letter stating that the kindergarteners would be having staggered enrollment.  I was saying to Lance that could prove problematic for me, if Addie wasn’t staggered in soon because of child care and all that fun stuff.  Addie peeps her head out of the kitchen where she is eating a cookie and says in a very frightened voice, “I don’t want to be stabbed!”. 

Yes, I see therapy in the future.