Posts Tagged ‘Edward doll’

Keyboard Confessions

1.  You know, I was beginning to think no one read these confessions until I skipped last week.  Then I had all kinds of questions- “Where are the Confessions??”  “Kearsie, did you disappear?”  “Please will you continue doing your Confessions??”

2.  …Ok, that might be a bit of a stretch.  It was only one person who noticed.  And she didn’t ask questions.  It was more like “Dude, there’s some Confessions missing from your blog.”

3.  So I like to read into things, ok?

4.  I don’t own a robe.  This is not really interesting at all, but this is what I was thinking of when I fell asleep last night.

5.  However, even if I owned a robe, I don’t think I’d ever have time to wear it. 

6.  My life is so not like the movies.  I don’t wake up at 4:30 a.m., shower, walk around in a robe for an hour with perfectly styled hair, slowly sipping on a cup of coffee, having witty banter with my kids at the breakfast table.

7.  Nay.  My mornings usually are more like repeating one phrase over and over:  hurry up!!!  we’re gonna be late!!!  hurry up!!!  we’re gonna be late!!! and then leaving the house with wet hair. 

8.  So, I think I’m ok with no robe.

9.  I’d much rather have a Snuggie.  To match Edward.

10.  It turns out, most of the folks around me think I’ve taken things a bit too far with my Edward doll.  Dude, what is so wrong with sewing a tshirt for Edward doll?  I don’t make fun of anyone else’s hobby, unless you collect Dale Earnhart, Jr. plates or something.  Then, hey, you’re just asking for it.

11.  …if one of you precious readers collects Dale Earnhart, Jr. collectable plates, I promise I will not make fun of you.  And I might even let you hold Edward doll.

12.  Sometimes, my office chair sinks down.  I’m pretty sure this is nature’s way of saying I’ve put on some weight.

13.  I gave my girls this tiny Christmas tree that stands about 1 foot tall.  They put it in their Barbie Mansion.  It needed lights, so I went to Walmart and found a tiny strand that is battery operated. They are super cute.  But guess what?  I’m pretty sure the light makers soaked the strand in cat pee.  The words “it stinks” is clearly understated.

14.  I found a tiny Santa coat.  That’s all I’m gonna say.

15.  My Hubs says after Christmas I am not allowed to sew or knit for a few months.  I suppose hearing me constantly complain of the pain in my wrist is a bit annoying.

16.  Guess what?  When your wrist is in constant pain having to sign 900 gagillion office Christmas cards is SO.MUCH.FUN.

17.  By Card # 3 I was like “screw it” and just basically scribbled.

18.  That’s ok, they can’t pronounce my name anyways.

19.  If anyone is missing some boogers, it’s because they are all in my nose.

20.  I have a date on Saturday.  So if you see the boogery nose lady all wrapped up in a hat and gloves, that would be me. 

Happy Friday!

Advertisements

Adventures with Edward: Edward goes to the movies

Setting:  Outside the movie theater

Edward is chillin and relaxin on the fountain outside of the movie theater.  He’s all set to see New Moon.  If nothing other than to make fun of Jacob.  And drool for Bella.  She looks just like this doll he knows.

He’s got on his TEAM EDWARD shirt, to show his support.  The puff paint looks very manly.

Suddenly, he looks over and sees…himself.

 

“Hi!” the copy of himself says.  It’s eerie.  Except for the scarf and Tshirt, this guy looks JUST LIKE HIM.

“Hi!” says Edward.  They stare at each other for a moment.  It’s like a Twilight Zone moment.  They have the same Pea Coat, the same tight fitting jeans. They even have the same spiky hair.

“We must be brothers.  Separated at birth.  I’m Edward,” says the Edward copy.

“Dude.  My name is Edward too.  I’m going to see New Moon.  Wanna see it with me?”

“Sure, dude.”

They stare at each other for another moment, then go for a man, er- doll hug.  It’s awkward and plasticky and their arms don’t bend, but whatever.  Bros for life.

Inside in the theater, they share a seat and watch the movie.  Jacob definitely has the abs.  But Edward has the Bella. 

Too bad the concession stand doesn’t sell any mountain lion or gazelles.

Keyboard Confessions

1.  My bestie, Robin, is here from Alaska.

2.  This means I went to bed very very late.

3.  No one is allowed to talk about New Moon with me.  Because me and The Bestie won’t be going until tomorrow.

4.  Also, I’m suspecting The Hubs is jealous of not getting to see New Moon with me.

5.  I also am suspecting that Snuggie could be suing me over yesterday’s Adventures with Edward post.

6.  Wouldn’t that totally suck?  “Why are you doing time, Kearsie?”  “Oh, I killed a man, did a B & E at my bank, I made a Snuggie for my Twilight Doll”. 

7.  I bet those inmates would think I was so hard core.

8.  I wonder if I could bring my Edward doll to jail?  That’d make a killer post “Adventures with Edward: Edward does time for an infomercial”.

9.  Oh my gosh, I’m totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.

10.  Ya’ll, I am not totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.  I just say that stuff.  *wipes eyes*

11.  One more Christmas gift down.  Since you’re all curious of my progress.

12.  It’s kind of embarrassing how The Bestie will see how little I work.

13.  I’m trying to type away so it looks like I’m busy.  However, she just watched me typing my blog, so I don’t think she’s all that impressed.

14.  It’s so liberating to have friends you can talk about poop with and they don’t ditch you.

15.  It’s also liberating that some friends have Edward dolls and don’t judge.

16.  The Runner just made The Bestie shred paper. 

17.  The Bestie just jammed up the shredder.  Now she’s all panicked.  I’m just laughing.

18.  I’m suuuuch a good Bestie.

19.  Also I have suuuuch a headache.  Can you get a hangover from late night talking? 

20.  Ok, The Bestie wants dibs on this last Keyboard Confession.  She says they’ve totally worn out that Taylor Swift song “You Belong With Me”.  Word, Bestie.  Word.

Happy Friday.

Adventures with Edward: Edward and the Infomercial

Setting:  The Barbie Mansion

One day, Edward is kickin it in the Barbie Mansion. 

He’s watching his favorite show:

LOST.  Best show EVER.  He settles in and watches a re-run.  He’s very confused. 

A commercial comes on.  Edward is instantly captivated.

“The Micro-Snuggie*!” he shouts.  “Please can I get one?  Please?  Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee?”

And because I’m a sucker for cute vampire dolls, I say yes.

Edward orders a Snuggie to match his scarf. 

Three weeks later, it arrives. 

Edward tries it on.

“Well, whaddya think?” Edward says, standing ever so proudly in his new Snuggie.

“Erm, very…manly,” I say. 

Edward goes back to watching LOST re-runs.  He feels like he’s in the Snuggie infomercial.  Too bad there’s no Barbie remote.

Durned if I’m not jealous of Edward’s Snuggie.

* This is not actually a Snuggie.  Please do not contact Snuggie asking for a Snuggie, else I shall be sued.

Adventures with Edward: Edward plays charades

Setting: Desk of the human

 

Edward, bored out of his plastic mind, crawls out of my handbag.  He tells me he wants to play a game.  I suggest charades with movie titles.  Edward rubs his hands in excitement and quickly adjusts his scarf.  He begins the first clue.

 

Picture 001

 

“Um”, I say.  “Umm…Wait!  Is it Saving Private Ryan?”

Edward says yes.  He is surprised I got it so quickly.  He thinks of another clue.

 

Picture 004

 

“Wow, a toughie.”  I scratch my head. “Ooh!  Is it So I Married An Axe Murderer?”

Edward nods yes.  He is impressed with my skillz.

He stops a moment, thinking of a really hard one. 

 

Picture 002

 

“Hmmm…I’m going to guess Three Weddings and a Funeral.”

Edward huffs in impatience.  He turns over and poses again.

 

Picture 003

 

“Ooh ooh!  Um, is it Finding Nemo?”

“Dang!”  Edward says.  He grabs a prop for the next one.

 

Picture 005

 

“Duh,” I say.  “Ghost.”  I roll my eyes.

Edward removes his prop.  He thinks hard.  He takes his scarf off and poses again.

 

Picture 006

 

“Wow.  This one is hard.  Is it The Fifth Element?”

Edward shakes his head no.

“Hmm, then how about Interview with a Vampire?”

Edward says no again.

“Geez.  Ok how about Wolverine?”

Edward just chuckles.  I take that as a no.

“Dang.  I give up.  What’s the answer?”

Twilight,” says Edward.  He winds his scarf around his neck and struts back to my bag.

 

Adventures with Edward: Edward visits Boulder, Colorado

Setting: Boulder, Colorado

Edward hears I am going on a trip to a far off country, full of snow and mountains.  He begs to go.  He must try to get his mind off of Bella Doll.  Plus he has a scarf.  So he is ready.  I tell him to hop in my bag and get comfortable.  He wiggles in next to my knitting and mittens.

 

lunapic-125568235999711

 

We board the plane.  He climbs out of my bag and finds his seat.  He scoffs at the seat belt.  The Sky Mall magazine holds his interest for 13.9 seconds.  Then he is bored. 

 

Picture 009

 

The flights are short.  Edward watches Ladyhawke on my iPhone.  He thinks the ’80’s music is cheesy, but otherwise enjoys it.  Edward also thinks that Matthew Broderick’s English accent is lacking. 

Once the plane is landed, Edward enjoys the sites.  He conquers some strange metallic beast. 

 

Picture 002

 

It was hard to eat, but Edward decides this is exotic food.

Edward decides to stop and smell the flowers. 

 

Picture 004

 

They smell of plastic Bella Doll’s perfume.  Or what he imagines Bella Doll’s perfume smells like.  He has only really smelled her packaging.

The mountains and pines beckon to Edward.  He climbs a tree.  It is reminiscent of this movie he saw once with a human Bella.  He remembers the scene well.

 

in%20tree

 

 He wonders if he can ever persuade Bella Doll out of her box.  Alas.  For now, he just imagines her presence.

 

lunapic-bella

 

Heartsick, Edward wanders to a snowy patch and whips up a snowman.  He must be careful.  His powerful vampire hands tend to crush, not mold.  He shares his scarf. 

 

lunapic-snowman

  

It has been a good trip.  Edward is glad he has visited Boulder. 

 

lunapic-boulder

I’m baaaa-aaaack.

Colorado trip is now over.  Back to life here in Alabama.

Many thanks to the sickos blogger extraordinaires, Kim, Winn and Vanessa for blogging for me!  You all broke my blog with your smut entertained everyone greatly and I’ll definitely never ever ever ask you to guest blog again look forward to future guest blogging nightmares experiences!

Since I’m laden with experiences and pictures, I’ll try to bore you to pieces with the run down on Day One.

***

Alarm goes off at 4:15 a.m.  Curse the early morning time.  Feel bad for cursing.  Hubs says his alarm will go off in 30 minutes, get back in bed.  Lay down, wide awake, thinking of all I can get done.  Get up, shower and shave as hard as I can, as I will not have a razor for 5 days.  Curse 911 terrorists.  Feel bad for cursing.  Last minute packing.  Sit on couch and knit frantically trying to finish a scarf.  Realize this is not going to get done in 10 minutes.  Sigh.  Get up and do last minute dishes and straightening up.  Gather all suitcases and carryons and jackets and set them by the door.  We leave house. 

Get to airport, check in, find restrooms.  Get on plane, fly to Dallas.

In Dallas, grab food because we’re starving.  Hunt down restrooms.  Realize all airports are good for are food and restrooms between flights.  Board flight to Denver.

In Denver, walk about 900 miles to shuttle to our rental car.  Realize Lance has left his jacket in Alabama.  Make chitchat with fellow shuttle riders. 

Get our rental car.  Rental car salesman talks us into getting an SUV.  While at car rental place, I take a picture of Edward by a gourd. 

Gourd, it's cold here.

Gourd, it's cold here.

Hahahahaahahaha, I’m still laughing at my caption. I ignore Lance facepalming at my Edward/gourd picture.  I tell him it’s for my art.  He asks “What art?”

Leave in shiny red Jeep Cherokee for Boulder.  Once in Boulder we head for our first meeting.  We meet with a church planter in the area who offers to buy our lunch.  We are starved and weak from lack of food so we do not object.  I eat the best Italian Chicken Panini EVER.  Our host gets a call saying right next door at Starbucks is a meeting going on with another church planter.  We head over and meet more ministry type folks.  I order hot chai tea and scald my tongue.  Also, I sit and try to not say something stupid like, “Do you care if I pose my Edward doll next to your Tall Non-fat Latte?”

Meeting ends.  We drive around Boulder.  It has begun to snow.  I try to take picture for Vanessa, as she has never seen snow.  My camera sucks at capturing snow.  We go to REI and buy Lance a jacket. 

We head to our hotel to check in.  It’s a sweet suite.  With a kitchen.  I go to Walmart and buy bagels, cream cheese and water bottles.  We drive around more, eat at a local Italian place.

Call home to kiddos.  We miss them.  But it’s nice to be sans children.

8:00 p.m. and I’m so tired I can barely function.  Go back to hotel.  Snuggle under the duvet.  Which is really gruvet.  Go to sleep.

End Day One.