Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Adventures with Edward: Edward goes to the movies

Setting:  Outside the movie theater

Edward is chillin and relaxin on the fountain outside of the movie theater.  He’s all set to see New Moon.  If nothing other than to make fun of Jacob.  And drool for Bella.  She looks just like this doll he knows.

He’s got on his TEAM EDWARD shirt, to show his support.  The puff paint looks very manly.

Suddenly, he looks over and sees…himself.

 

“Hi!” the copy of himself says.  It’s eerie.  Except for the scarf and Tshirt, this guy looks JUST LIKE HIM.

“Hi!” says Edward.  They stare at each other for a moment.  It’s like a Twilight Zone moment.  They have the same Pea Coat, the same tight fitting jeans. They even have the same spiky hair.

“We must be brothers.  Separated at birth.  I’m Edward,” says the Edward copy.

“Dude.  My name is Edward too.  I’m going to see New Moon.  Wanna see it with me?”

“Sure, dude.”

They stare at each other for another moment, then go for a man, er- doll hug.  It’s awkward and plasticky and their arms don’t bend, but whatever.  Bros for life.

Inside in the theater, they share a seat and watch the movie.  Jacob definitely has the abs.  But Edward has the Bella. 

Too bad the concession stand doesn’t sell any mountain lion or gazelles.

Keyboard Confessions

1.  My bestie, Robin, is here from Alaska.

2.  This means I went to bed very very late.

3.  No one is allowed to talk about New Moon with me.  Because me and The Bestie won’t be going until tomorrow.

4.  Also, I’m suspecting The Hubs is jealous of not getting to see New Moon with me.

5.  I also am suspecting that Snuggie could be suing me over yesterday’s Adventures with Edward post.

6.  Wouldn’t that totally suck?  “Why are you doing time, Kearsie?”  “Oh, I killed a man, did a B & E at my bank, I made a Snuggie for my Twilight Doll”. 

7.  I bet those inmates would think I was so hard core.

8.  I wonder if I could bring my Edward doll to jail?  That’d make a killer post “Adventures with Edward: Edward does time for an infomercial”.

9.  Oh my gosh, I’m totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.

10.  Ya’ll, I am not totally tearing up thinking about Edward in jail.  I just say that stuff.  *wipes eyes*

11.  One more Christmas gift down.  Since you’re all curious of my progress.

12.  It’s kind of embarrassing how The Bestie will see how little I work.

13.  I’m trying to type away so it looks like I’m busy.  However, she just watched me typing my blog, so I don’t think she’s all that impressed.

14.  It’s so liberating to have friends you can talk about poop with and they don’t ditch you.

15.  It’s also liberating that some friends have Edward dolls and don’t judge.

16.  The Runner just made The Bestie shred paper. 

17.  The Bestie just jammed up the shredder.  Now she’s all panicked.  I’m just laughing.

18.  I’m suuuuch a good Bestie.

19.  Also I have suuuuch a headache.  Can you get a hangover from late night talking? 

20.  Ok, The Bestie wants dibs on this last Keyboard Confession.  She says they’ve totally worn out that Taylor Swift song “You Belong With Me”.  Word, Bestie.  Word.

Happy Friday.

Keyboard Confessions

1.  Today is Friday the 13th.  I really hope I see someone dressed up in a hockey mask with a knife in hand or else the hype of this day will be lost. 

2.  Take my advice:  don’t eat a banana and then immediately drink from a soda can.  Trust me on this. 

3.  *Burp*  ugh…gross.

4.  Guess what?  Painting for 5 hours straight will kill your arms.  I know, I was surprised too.

5.  I totally stole the Hubs’ new jacket.  I’m not giving it back.  Ever.  *cuddling in the soft squishiness of the jacket*

6.  Pennies are money.  Except guess what?  No one likes it when you use pennies in the Self-Checkout lines at Wal-Mart.  Trust me on this.

7.  Ever wanted to be a Ninja?  Alls you gotta do is learn to Glare.

8.  Now in case you’re like me and end up stabbing yourself in the forehead and eyeball trying to do the complicated hand gesture thingy, here is a tutorial.  Yes I’m serious.

9.  You’re welcome.

10.  I have obtained three more Christmas gifts.  That makes a total of five.  I am still very very very behind. 

11.  I’m very glad to say that my love for Party in the USA has waned.  I only watch the video like…three times a week.  Tops. 

12.  I let some folks in on the upcoming Adventures with Edward posts.  There was a whole lot of staring.  Most of it was by The Hubs.

13.  Do you think the Queen gets on the innernets? 

14.  Do you think the Queen reads my blog?  I know, she’d totally love it.

15.  Do you think Stephenie Meyer reads my Adventures with Edward?  I know, she’d totally LOL.  Or sue me, one of the two.

16.  I’ve given up on making risotto.  It’s just too much pressure to be a good cook. 

17.  Hubs and I just switched sides of the bed.  Which means it feels like I’m totally getting up on the wrong side of the bed.

18.  Today is the last day to enter this giveaway:  http://www.wendiwinn.com/2009/11/giveaway-13.html

19.  I super hope I win. 

20.  Happy Friday!

Keyboard Confessions

1.  I got to thinking the other day.  I’m turning 34 this month, and if I make it all the way to 68 then this is my middle of my life.  Which means I’m middle-aged.  Which means it’s ok to have a mid-life crisis.  Should I do something uber crazy?  Like get a tattoo or dye my hair?  Or maybe just make tacky jokes.  That’s way less high maintenance.

2.  What does it say about me that I did not mind that Blockbuster is already promoting Christmas movies?  Too bad Hubs has rules. 

3.  I told Co-worker that I was sad at how much I like that Party in the USA song.  She responded with “What can I say, she captivates the world”.  She said this without cracking a smile.

4.  hahaahahahahaah still laughing at that

5.  Going to see Christmas Carol in 3D tonight.  I am wondering if it’s ok to eat Twizzlers as my dinner. 

6.  I bet there’s fiber.  Or, umm, Vitamin something or other. 

7.  Speaking of fiber, I ate two Fiber One granola bars yesterday.  I won’t tell you how my evening went.

8.  But don’t worry, everything came out all right. 

9.  I am itching to delete that last sentence.  But I’m going through my mid-life crisis, see, so I’m supposed to say rash and bold things like that.  Right?  Erm.

10.  Maybe I should just dye my hair.  I can’t handle the pressure of bold and rash statements. 

11.  I cleaned my laundry room the other day.  It’s all nice and clean and lint free and you can see the sparkly floor.  Hubs found me in there the other day just standing around.  He asked, “What are you doing in there?”  I said, “It’s the only clean room in the house.  I just like to hang out in here.”  He blinked a few times and walked away.  Poor Hubs.  

12.  I dreamed last night that my mother in law came into our house in the middle of the night.  Then she left a choir book and a CD with a note that said “Be there this Sunday to sing this”.  And I was panicked.  I bet Freud would have all kinds of weird stuff to say about this.  I personally think I shouldn’t have eaten all those Wheat Thins right before bed.

13.  But then I dreamed that I was taking my kids to school and parked like a zillion blocks away and made them walk.  That must’ve been all the Pink Lemonade I drank.

14.  Don’t ask the Subway Sandwich Builder Guy how his day was unless you really want to know.  Because apparently the guy who works near me had an awful day and he hates his job.   

15.  He wasn’t very interested in putting together my sandwich.  Two olives do not make a tasty sandwich.

16.  Also, I can’t handle all the decisions.  Toasted?  Not toasted?  That’s just too much pressure.

17.  You know what else is too much pressure?  Besides the fact I have to pee?  Finishing this list.

18.  I’m allowed to quit at #18.  I’m having a mid-life crisis, remember? 

Happy Friday.

Things my children ask while watching Lord of the Rings

“Momma, what’s that boy’s name with the ring?  Tonto?”

“Is that a bad guy?”

“Why is that mean boy wearing a costume?”

“Momma, what’s the boy’s name with the ring again?  Mollo?”

“Why is he doing that?”

“Did that big bad guy with the eye lose his ring?”

“What’s that boy’s name with the ring?  Rollo?”

“Mommy would you explain this?  I don’t get it.”

“Would you read what that pretty boy just said?  You know, the Lego boy?”

“Mommy, what’s the boy’s name with the ring?  Mahollo?”

“Why is that shiny lady pouring water?  Does she want that boy with the ring to take a bath?”

“What’s the name of the boy with the ring again?”

“Did they have to find a really small guy to be Gollum?”

“What do you mean he’s like a cartoon?”

“I don’t understand this at.all.”

“What’s the name of that boy with the ring again?  Toto?”

“Mommy, wait.  So is that guy with the white beard a bad guy?  No not that guy!  The other guy with the white beard!”

“What’s the name of the boy in the red cape?”

“Why aren’t the little boys wearing any shoes?”

“Why are there no girls on the bad guys team?”

“What’s the name of that boy with the ring again?”

Adventures with Edward: Edward plays charades

Setting: Desk of the human

 

Edward, bored out of his plastic mind, crawls out of my handbag.  He tells me he wants to play a game.  I suggest charades with movie titles.  Edward rubs his hands in excitement and quickly adjusts his scarf.  He begins the first clue.

 

Picture 001

 

“Um”, I say.  “Umm…Wait!  Is it Saving Private Ryan?”

Edward says yes.  He is surprised I got it so quickly.  He thinks of another clue.

 

Picture 004

 

“Wow, a toughie.”  I scratch my head. “Ooh!  Is it So I Married An Axe Murderer?”

Edward nods yes.  He is impressed with my skillz.

He stops a moment, thinking of a really hard one. 

 

Picture 002

 

“Hmmm…I’m going to guess Three Weddings and a Funeral.”

Edward huffs in impatience.  He turns over and poses again.

 

Picture 003

 

“Ooh ooh!  Um, is it Finding Nemo?”

“Dang!”  Edward says.  He grabs a prop for the next one.

 

Picture 005

 

“Duh,” I say.  “Ghost.”  I roll my eyes.

Edward removes his prop.  He thinks hard.  He takes his scarf off and poses again.

 

Picture 006

 

“Wow.  This one is hard.  Is it The Fifth Element?”

Edward shakes his head no.

“Hmm, then how about Interview with a Vampire?”

Edward says no again.

“Geez.  Ok how about Wolverine?”

Edward just chuckles.  I take that as a no.

“Dang.  I give up.  What’s the answer?”

Twilight,” says Edward.  He winds his scarf around his neck and struts back to my bag.

 

Keyboard Confessions

1.  While often on these silly lists I am not really confessing anything, today I shall confess something for real.  Ready?  *Deep breath* I totally love this song.

2.  Let the mocking begin.  Your mocking hurts, but you know I’m gonna be okay, YeaaaAAAaaaaahh, it’s a party in the USA….I don’t care.  Mock all you want. 

3.  I bet you’re so jealous of my weekend plans.  What are my plans, you ask?  I shall be painting my bathroom.  I know.  EXCITEMENT GALORE.  I’m noddin my head like yeah.

4.  What’s worse: the fact that all I have to look forward to is painting my bathroom or the fact that I’m kind of excited to do it? 

5.  It’s all for my BFF.  Why I think she needs to see a painted bathroom when she comes for a visit, I don’t know.  It would be wiser to get the carpet cleaned.  Or exercise.

6.  Also, there is no way I’m going to lose 40 pounds in 27 days.  And I’m movin my hips like yeah.

7.  Remember myspace?  When it was cool?  Sad.  I feel bad for it’s noncoolness.  Anyways, I still go there sometimes because it’s easy to listen to music on myspace.  On facebook not so much.  So I went to myspace and put all the songs on the New Moon soundtrack on a playlist and I’ve been listening to it over and over and over.  I am now ready for the movie.  Brrring it.

8.  Yesterday, my boss sat at my computer when I got up to make some copies.  He heard the soundtrack playing and said “Kearsie likes weird European music”. 

9.  I think I’m just going to do it.  By it I mean open the other box with Edward and Bella.  What do you think?

10.  But I’m not telling my Hubs.  He just won’t get it.  He doesn’t get a whole lot about what I do.  But I provide him clean underwear and the occasional meal, so he doesn’t complain.

11.  Remember when I was all up in Twitter’s armpit?  Well, it’s back to being boring.  And not a boring addiction.  Just boring.  Noddin my head like yeah.

12.  I plan on giving this book for Christmas.  And I hope I get one too.

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13.  I think I’m ready to learn to crochet.  All because of this shop.  Also some of her items are mature-ish.  I am not mature-ish so I look and laugh.  And wish I could crochet.

14.  Another confession:  I hunted forever the other day trying to figure out if Robsten are together or not.  I don’t care if you mock me.  It was a boring day and I just wanted to know already. 

15.  Then I sat and listened to Daniel Radcliffe interviews.  This is what happens on a slow day at work. 

16.  I think I know what I’m going to be when I grow up.  I’m going to be a bed-sheet engineer.  Because I can’t find one set of dadgummed sheets to stay on my bed without slipping off the corners.  For real.  I’m going to have a stroke one day screaming at my bed sheets.

17.  Also, I don’t really scream at my bed sheets.  That would make me crazy.  Noddin my head like yeah.

18.  Last night, I was told I’ve been misspelling “Febreze”.  This is almost as bad as the time I was told I misspelled “definitely”. 

19.  It sucks to feel dum.

20.  Wow.  It’s almost physical pain to look at that word spelled wrong.  But you know I’m gonna be okay, YeaaAAAaaahhh, it’s a party in the USA.