Keyboard Confessions

I figure all over the innernets today there will be talk of the tragedy of 9/11.  While I do not want to appear cold to this spot in history, I decided to just go ahead and do my usual inane Keyboard Confessions.  Because I can.  Thank you to all the soldiers who make it possible for me to go about with business. 

1.  Today I feel super old.  Here’s my list of why.

2.  I’ve got the arthritis.  And my blood pressure is high. 

3.  Nowadays, when the option to have ice cream is present, I must stop and think “will I be near a bathroom afterwards? hmm…”

4.  When I’m watching TV, I have to put my glasses on now.

5.  Then I ask Hubs to turn up the volume.

6.  When we’re listening to music, I ask Hubs to turn down the volume.

7.  I sit around and knit.  For fun.  I even knit in church.  I’m one of *those* people.

8.  When I sit around and knit at home, I have a lap blanket on my legs.

9.  I do crosswords for fun, too. 

10.  Weird things give me heartburn now. Or gas.

11.  When Hubs goes to order something spicy, I give him that look and say “you know you’ll pay for that later, right?”

12.  Maybe Hubs is getting old too, because the last time we did this, he looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “you’re right” and ordered something else.

13.  That song “Ring of Fire” reminds me of hemorrhoids.

14.  I can’t remember when my feet and hands looked slim and pretty before arthritis took over.

15.  Nor can I remember what my belly looked like before having babies.

16.  I complain about how expensive postage costs now.

17.  Seriously, 44 cents?  It’s highway robbery.

18.  Over the years, I’ve morphed into The Weird Lady Who Knits Everyone’s Christmas Gifts.

19.  Sorry, family members and friends who are reading this.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Aww, crap.”

20.  I eat Fiber One Granola bars.  Everyday. Regularly.  To stay regular.  Erm.

Happy Friday.

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11 responses to this post.

  1. Doing crosswords makes a person old?!? Oh dear….

    But I’m right there with ya’ in the turning down the radio thing. My daughter is killing me.

    Reply

  2. I laughed out loud at #13…

    Being kinda emotional all morning, the laugh out loud moment is a treasure! Thank you!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Connie on September 11, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Do you make grunting sounds when you get up out of a chair? Or announce “I think I’m going to bed now.”….those, my dear, are the true signs!!!

    Reply

  4. Posted by robin on September 11, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    i am so going deaf too! i have the volume up loud on the t.v. most of the time. it’s so bad that if others want me to turn it down, i have to have them put the subtitles on so i can atleast read what people are saying. i have whiskers in odd places too…….sigh.

    Reply

  5. Posted by Your Cousin on September 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    I’d just like to say……… you are THREEEEEE weeks older than me. You are OLD, m’dear. Decrepit even. Ancient.

    And you know I only love to write that because of how much you lorded over those three weeks when we were kids.

    Luvya

    Reply

  6. I laughed heartily, until I remembered I am older than you! Argh!

    But #13, oh man, I laughed so hard I sprained my whole body. Where is that Bayer aspirin???

    Reply

  7. *Sigh* This sounds far FAR too familiar.

    Reply

  8. Oh Lawd! you sound older than ME and that is damn old. I’d be okay with your knitting if you are knitting thongs or condoms or something for everyone, but for the love of God, please don’t give them knitted presents. Oh, they will SAY they like them…but you will find them at Goodwill about a week after Christmas.
    However, if you knit little lap blankets and bring them to Nursing homes or Veteran’s facilities, they will love you forever. Because they love them, they really do…

    Reply

  9. That did bring in quite some tears to my eyes 🙂 oh yeah old age approaching fast.

    Reply

  10. Posted by Aunt Melissa on September 15, 2009 at 2:05 am

    when I read this, it seems like the only thing you left out was sex.

    Reply

  11. No. 13. Brilliant. I don’t feel very relatable to this, though. I’m feeling a bit of the opposite. Like a few weeks ago when I took my niece to the movies and they carded me and not her. Make-up and contact lenses or no admittance for me, it would seem.

    Reply

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