I figure all over the innernets today there will be talk of the tragedy of 9/11. While I do not want to appear cold to this spot in history, I decided to just go ahead and do my usual inane Keyboard Confessions. Because I can. Thank you to all the soldiers who make it possible for me to go about with business.
1. Today I feel super old. Here’s my list of why.
2. I’ve got the arthritis. And my blood pressure is high.
3. Nowadays, when the option to have ice cream is present, I must stop and think “will I be near a bathroom afterwards? hmm…”
4. When I’m watching TV, I have to put my glasses on now.
5. Then I ask Hubs to turn up the volume.
6. When we’re listening to music, I ask Hubs to turn down the volume.
7. I sit around and knit. For fun. I even knit in church. I’m one of *those* people.
8. When I sit around and knit at home, I have a lap blanket on my legs.
9. I do crosswords for fun, too.
10. Weird things give me heartburn now. Or gas.
11. When Hubs goes to order something spicy, I give him that look and say “you know you’ll pay for that later, right?”
12. Maybe Hubs is getting old too, because the last time we did this, he looked thoughtful for a moment and said, “you’re right” and ordered something else.
13. That song “Ring of Fire” reminds me of hemorrhoids.
14. I can’t remember when my feet and hands looked slim and pretty before arthritis took over.
15. Nor can I remember what my belly looked like before having babies.
16. I complain about how expensive postage costs now.
17. Seriously, 44 cents? It’s highway robbery.
18. Over the years, I’ve morphed into The Weird Lady Who Knits Everyone’s Christmas Gifts.
19. Sorry, family members and friends who are reading this. I know what you’re thinking. “Aww, crap.”
20. I eat Fiber One Granola bars. Everyday. Regularly. To stay regular. Erm.