Adventures with Edward: Edward visits the Happiest Place on Earth

Setting:  hot summer day in Orlando, Florida


Edward, still mending from his recent rejection of Bella, who chose the other Edward with the sunglasses, decides to blow this popsicle stand and see the world. 

His first stop: Epcot

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Edward, standing next to the golf ball thingy realizes while he may be a powerful plastic vampire, he is still very tiny.

Edward roams the park, looking for adventure.  Unfortunately, the few rides there are have height restrictions.  He can’t eat anything, so sampling the international cuisine is out.  His pea coat has no pockets to hold money.  Epcot, for plastic vampire dolls, is kind of boring.

For fun, Edward stands by a sparkly Nemo character, just to see if anyone notices him.  Edward is jealous of the sparkles.

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This becomes dull, so Edward visits a playground.  Once again, his height is an issue.  Powerful vampire dolls cannot do much on a playground.

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Edward spots a rock wall and decides to push it over.  No reason, there’s just not much else to do.

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Roll wall conquered, Edward decides to see the beach.  This is a mistake, as beaches are no place for tiny dolls.

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Thankfully, the rushing waves do not drown his plastic lungs, as he cannot breathe anyway.

Edward sighs, and finds a spot to sit stand and ponder. 

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Edward, seeing the irony, paces and finally throws up his hands in a gesture of impatience.

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Suddenly, a Giant Mouse grabs him and hugs him.  Edward does not want to fight this behemoth monster so he just holds very still and pretends to be a plastic doll.

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The Mouse Monster gently sets Edward down on the sidewalk and ambles away, waving his Hamburger Helper gloves. 

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Edward catches his breath and realizes he came very close to an early demise. 

Adventure quota filled for the day, Edward bids Epcot adieu.


10 responses to this post.

  1. hahahhaha! Never pondered the possible irony of a barrel of fun, maybe because I have never been in one but hahahhahah! what a good sport, that Ed is…


  2. OMG – totally hilarious!!!


  3. poor edward. so tiny.

    and yet. he looks like a model on the rock. glistening in his tight jeans.

    hopefully, whilst he was buried on the beach, a sand crab didn’t dig under and visit him. that would have been uncomfortable.


  4. I’m starting to get jealous of this tiny plastic vampire! Epcot and the beach?! Edward, take me!! I don’t discriminate against the tiny, sparkly or fanged. 🙂


  5. So awesome that Mickey would pose for a picture with Edward!


  6. How did he put his tiny plastic finger on the entrance gate scanner thing?


  7. how can edward still look so unamused when he is inside an actual BARREL OF FUN!?!


  8. Oh. My. God.
    You didn’t actually make Mickey hold him for that photograph, did you? PLEASE tell me it is some kind of photoshop trick.
    Because otherwise, some guy went home and gathered his children in a circle to tell them about this sick lady who actually had him pose for a picture with Edward and how this is why you must must get therapy if you have serious issues when you are young and the whole family can go together………………


  9. OMGeee. That just made my day. Doesn’t he realize that Orlando is the happiest place in the world? Maybe Downtown Disney would be more his scene, but man, someone needs to buck up and enjoy.


  10. Posted by ~jill on August 7, 2009 at 8:02 pm

    i hate twilight but have to admit that “adventures with edward” is becoming a favorite read at my house.


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