Adventures with Edward: Edward tries to hitch

Setting: steamy summer night in desolate area.

 

Edward, standing by the side of the road, decides to hitch a ride.  He wants to sparkle, to attact someone, but realizes he will have to settle for plastic shiny.

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He’s a little frustrated that his thumb won’t stick up.  He thinks he looks like he’s trying to hail a cab instead.  However, maybe his rugged good looks and his sticky up hair will entice a car to stop. 

Lo and behold, a car pulls up.

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It’s a…butterfly lady with two little kids in the back seat.  She stops, asks if he needs a ride and he approaches the car.

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She looks safe.  However, she doesn’t have a ring on her left hand, so he’s wondering if she’s looking for a baby daddy for her two kids. 

But he’s looking for some adventure so he hops in.  There’s just one problem-

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Edward can’t sit.  He doesn’t bend.  Just his elbows bend, making him look double jointed.  He tries different methods.  Standing up in the seat isn’t very safe, even for a vampire.

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Edward tries laying down.  But he doesn’t feel very manly doing this.  Also, he’s having trouble with the seat belt and then remembers he’s a vampire and doesn’t need to fool with trivial human things like seat belts.

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He decided to heck with safety.  He stands up in the back, ready for adventure.  Besides, as he doesn’t bend that’s his only option.  Just as Butterfly Lady is about to take off, some of her friends approach the car.

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Edward realizes that this scene is a little out of his league.  So, ever the gentleman, he gives up his seat to the platinum blonde who looks the least deranged.

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Edward stands by the side of the road, watching the car with all the ladies driving away.  He hopes the lady with the wedding dress doesn’t fall of the back of the car and continues his search for adventure.

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14 responses to this post.

  1. LMAO. I wish I had enough time to be this funny! Hilarious I’m glad you are enjoying Edward but poor Bella, where is she? They BELONG together….(not really I think he belongs with me but he has to get in line after Paul Walker, Michael Vartan, and Kellan Lutz),

    Reply

  2. That kind of looks like Gulliver and the Ladies of Lilliput.

    And I’m sure all those people in one car is some sort of traffic code violation. I’m going to check the Captain’s statute book.

    Reply

  3. Since I played with Barbies and dolls until I was 13 years old, I don’t find this creepy at all…however, you won’t fine ME ever doing anything like this at MY age! Wait…

    Reply

  4. Posted by Michael Tickel on July 23, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Very funny stuff. If I run across any random Edward dolls, I will certainly send them your way.

    Reply

  5. hahhaahah! edward is a stud. or not. because he let the ladies goooooo.

    and what’s with those ladies? they on some kind of growth hormone? they’s big.

    Reply

  6. I would do ANYTHING to be in the room with you when you shot this scene. ANYTHING. Kearsie, you never cease to amaze and entertain.

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on July 23, 2009 at 4:30 pm

      Lance walked in, stared at me for a moment and then left the room. Addie came in, yelled at me for messing up her Barbie Car that she had *just* put the way she wanted to. Then she very sternly said I had to return it back the way it was and left the room. I kept playing with my dolls.

      Reply

  7. hahahahahhahaha, Edward and the Amazons.

    I sure hope someone else comes by soon, I’d hate to think of that poor, helpless vampire stuck on a vast and carpeted roadway all night. 🙂

    Reply

  8. What the….? That’s funny.

    Reply

  9. It is for the best.
    Did you see the size of the women’s heads???? Their heads are bigger than his entire body.
    The sex mechanics would have just been….
    well,………….
    wrong.

    Reply

  10. Posted by Misty on July 27, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Erm, I agrees wit’ Winn. Total Land of the Giants. Poor Edward.

    Reply

  11. LMAO LOVE it!
    Kasandria

    Reply

  12. […] Adventures with Edward […]

    Reply

  13. Posted by robin on October 12, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    we have that same barbie. the one that was driving! she is nuts. lemme tell ya…….glad edward gave up on her…..

    Reply

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