I submitted this post to HumorPress.com and they selected me as a semi-finalist! I feel semi-proud. When I read that post again, I semi-laughed. This day is semi-over and I am drinking a beverage that is semi-full.
Sigh. The humor escapes me today as it is precisely 900 bagillion degrees outside and the cashier at Goodwill just schooled me. Indirectly. At least I think she did as none of the cashiers at Goodwill ever directly speak to me other than to tell me what I owe. Yet they carry on conversations behind the counter that I think refer to me.
Let me explain.
Lunch hour. 45 minutes to kill after downing cheeseburger containing 850 squillion calories. I go to the Goodwill to hunt for wool sweaters I can torture and maim into felted wool crafts. My venture proves fruitful and I take my goods to the counter.
Cashier #1 rings up my goods and removes wire hangers that have poked me and pulled at my clothing during my tour of the sweater aisle. She gives me the total. I set my purse and to-go soda on the counter to count out change.
Cashier #1: (speaking to Cashier #2) I guess I need to fix that sign on the door.
Cashier #2: What sign?
Cashier #1: The one that says no food or drink inside the store. (She gives me evil eye.) I suppose people don’t see it or they are ignoring it.
Cashier #2: Hmpf.
Me: (smiling brightly) Have a good day! (I leave store and return to my car which is practically melted from the heat.)
Ok, so maybe there was a sign on the door saying NO FOOD OR DRINK INSIDE STORE. Maybe I broke that sacred rule by carrying in my covered beverage inside the holy grounds of The Goodwill filled with People’s Used Clothing and Junk that Smells Suspiciously Like Urine in the Book Room.
However. I am a responsible adult. I did not splash about my Diet Coke and spray the clothing with my straw. I did not tip over my beverage creating a Possible Accident Waiting to Happen Puddle next to the Broken Down Shoes. I did not make a mess.
*** Editor’s note: As I just typed “Geez”, I took a drink of my semi-filled soda and accidentally dripped onto my shirt. Hmm, maybe Goodwill has a point.