Keyboard Confessions

1.  It is completely impossible to act cool after accidentally gleeking on someone at Blockbuster.

2.  It’s even harder to be cool when you trip on the big black mat leaving the store and practically smash through the doors. 

3.  I may have to leave the city to feel cool again.  And switch to Netflix.

4.  Although they detract from my foxiness, I am in love with Breath Right Strips.

5.  Except, to take them off, you also peel the first few layers of skin off your nose.

6.  I *so* want to go to a concert and shout “FREE BIRD!”

7.  There is no reason, I just really want to.  Also, I saw that happen in Cars.

8.  Jenny wants me to blog angry.  

9.  Dude, I don’t get angry unless you spill something on my newly mopped floor.  Or leave your shoes out.

10.  Then The Wrath comes, quickly followed by The Guilt.

11.  It’s even worse when The Fog is present.

12.  I’m pretty sure my 7 year old already has The Fog.  Emotionally.

13.  We are going to have some major problems in about 6 years.

14.  It’s about time for me to blog about The Skin Tag.

15.  *Gulp*

16.  Also, that post may cause me to lose all male readership.  And my fellow church attenders.

17.  There is no graceful way to recover from a booger shooting out of your nose when you breath.

18.  I did not plan on being so awkward as an adult.

19.  Or talking so much about boogers and Skin Tags.

20.  Is this high quality entertainment or what?

Happy Friday.

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11 responses to this post.

  1. High quality entertainment indeed. And, I didn’t even have to go to Blockbuster!

    Reply

  2. *doing little mini claps and jumping while squealing, ‘eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!’* you know why…

    ps I haven’t heard the word “gleek” in about 12 years!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Rochelle on May 15, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    Think of number 5 this way; if you ever had to buy Biore Pore Strips, you can just use your Breathe Rights instead. 2 birds, 1 stone.

    You make me smile!

    Reply

  4. While you’re at it, could you blog about milia seeds and turkey necks? Or am I the only one?

    Watch out for that mat, girlfriend.

    Reply

  5. Posted by thelonelyeskimo on May 15, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    14. WOOT!!! I can already feel myself laughing.

    Reply

  6. Posted by Robin on May 15, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    dude. i love breathe right strips too. the first time i put one on i think i had an orgasm, the relief was so instantanious!

    since i am a bit of a fatty now i avoid the pubic as much as possible. netflix baby. you will save face.

    i am nervous about The Skin Tag too, but i PROMISE to keep reading and commenting.

    Reply

  7. High quality. I don’t understand about the Skin Tag. I do understand about boogers. I have not heard the word gleek in a very very long time. I’m going to use it today.

    Reply

  8. I don’t even know what Gleek is! Does that make me stupid?!
    I also don’t know what the Skin Tag is either. Is that when your clothes are too tight and your clothes leave imprints on your skin? I dunno.

    I still think you blogging angry would be hilarious. You seem so serene when I read your blogs. It’s interesting.

    I love your blog and please keep it up!!

    Reply

  9. Here goes!: (I know you have been waiting!)
    1. If I knew for sure what gleeking was, I could leave a witty comment on this one, but I have no clue.
    2. You can be beautiful or graceful, never both. So choose, for God’s sake.
    3. but I heard Neftlix is not cool. So now what?
    4. Oh, so you like burning pain that makes your eyes water? That explains a lot.
    5. See, I knew you were into the pain of it.
    6. & 7. I never took this foreign language in high school or college, so I have no way to translate this.
    8 thru 11: Oh I can list a lot more to make me angry, which then adds to more guilt. And the Fog? That comes naturally anytime after 50. Yeah. It.Will.Get.Worse. For. You.
    12 & 13: Maybe when they are in their own personal FOG, and you are in your over-50 Fog, they will pick out a nice place for you at THE HOME.
    14 & 15. Stop gulping your skin tags. They taste ickey.
    16. Maybe it will increase your weird male readership and cause more people to pray for you, which you may need, by the way (once you are placed in THE HOME).
    17. I am going to ignore that wonderfully said graphic.
    18. Me too.
    19. Oh god, the graphics again. I was going to get ready to make lunch, but that about killed it.
    20. Or at least a new diet plan for me. All the graphics has caused me to lose my appetite.

    Reply

  10. I really thought I was going to be cool and calm and rich and without pimples when I grew up. I mean, that’s what happens on tv!!!!

    I found my first gray hair the day before yesterday. I didn’t cry, but there were tears. I figure it showed up last week on my birthday. It goes well with the zit on my forehead.

    I think I’d like to see you blog angry too…but I wouldn’t want to be the one to invoke the wrath.

    Reply

  11. Posted by wigginsout55 on May 18, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    I must sadly admit, I too do not know what gleeking is. I do, however, have a new word for you. Apparently my grandson Elijah listens when other people talk and keeps his parents informed of the latest slang. The new one is “jank” When asked if he knew what it meant he said it meant lame or suckish. Andy agreed he could use lame, but not suckish. When Andy looked it up in the dictionary it did not show up, but when he googled it he found it does indeed mean, among other things, stupid or ridiculously moronic. I intend to add it to my vocabulary forthwith.

    I am unsure if I would want to read an angry blog from you. It could be interesting, probably quite scary and just not in keeping with my image of you!

    Reply

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