Keyboard Confessions

1.  I wore a shirt that smelled like mildew.

2.  I’m pretty sure I wore a grimace all day because of The Stench.

3.  I ate a Hostess Cherry Pie for dinner.

4.  Then I read the nutritional information on the box.

5.  I think I lost about 3.7 years of my life as a result of eating it.

6.  I am pretty sure that because I keep forgetting to use my Ped Egg, everyone is pointing at my crusty heels behind my back and gagging.

7.  I bought a powder compact for the first time.

8.  I kept holding up different colored corners to my face and asking Lance, “Which one?  Ivory?  Natural Beige?  Cocoa?”

9.  What would I have done if he wasn’t shopping with me?  Would I have had to ask some nice person in the aisle, “Erm, Ma’am?  Natural Ivory or Medium Brown?  Does this make me look like I have a tan?”

10.  Would she have thought I was a crazy person?

11.  I have been trying like mad to lose 10 pounds.

12.  So far, all I’ve managed is to gain 10 pounds.

13.  I think my Wii Fit laughed at me last night.

14.  Stupid Wii Fit.

15.  My left sinus is full of snot.  The right one is clear as a bell.

16.  I actually like that Rick Astley song “Never Gonna Give You Up.”

17.  I found an old high school friend on facebook and sent her a message.  She replied something along the lines of “Erm, could you refresh my memory of who you are?  I can’t tell by your face in your profile picture.”

18.  That’s code for “You’ve become a fatty.”

19.  Every time I write the words “about it” or “but it” or something, I write the word “tit”.  Dude I can’t help it.

20.  I’m pretty sure I know where J. K. Rowling got her inspiration for how Harry Potter looked. 

Me in high school

Me in high school

 

Happy Friday.

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14 responses to this post.

  1. This is quickly becoming one of my favorite blogs. Just so you know. Haha.

    Reply

  2. Well, you know that I have always thought you were funny, and I come bearing gifts, so dump this Emily person and get over to my blog ASAP. I promise my gifts are fat free! 😉

    Reply

  3. I so look forward to your weekly confessions! They make my day!

    As for wearing a shirt that smells like Mildew. I did that the other day, I left the clothes in the washer for too long before putting them in the dryer and they smelt funny…. I wore the shirt to bed and woke up in the middle of the night because me no like!

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on May 1, 2009 at 5:43 pm

      I am bad about the clothes. I will gather them, sort them, throw a load in the washer and promptly forget about it for a day or…three. So then I re-wash. This cycle happens more often than I care to admit. And I would have rewashed this load, but there were a pair of jeans in there that I really.wanted.to.wear. You know?

      Reply

  4. Posted by Lance on May 1, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    I think you were hot in high school. Just like now.

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on May 1, 2009 at 7:34 pm

      Lance! I thought you were boycotting my blog! Also, are you saying you have a thing for Harry Potter? Should I be worried?

      Reply

  5. 1. dude, it was you: aging. Not the shirt. Besides, mildew isn’t too bad. Buck up!
    2. the grimace was because your teeth aren’t that good afterall and by grimacing, you keep them in your gums better.
    3. Only one? You rookie, you.
    4. never, never do this again. Also, do not read the possible side effects of any medication. What are you? A saddist?
    5. Only 3.7 years? That’s not bad. They would have been when you were really old, sitting in a depends in THE HOME. Therefore, the pies have done you a major favor.
    6. No, the gagging is from the mildew. Your crusty heels are for protection. I mean anyone wanting to take sexual liberties will see your feet and say…ummm.. never mind!!
    7. Um. The label said gun powder. I hope none of your relatives smoke.
    8. I’d pick cocoa, because that was one of my cat’s names.
    9. And they would have said, I can’t see because my eyes are watering from something that smells like mildew. Man…what IS that smell???
    10. No, the management have already been warned about you as soon as the security cameras caught you coming in the store. They said: “if she approaches you, just act normal and by all circumstances, keep calm!”
    11. If you would quit being mad, you’d lose them..
    12. There is the proof I was waiting for. All dieters gain weight.
    13. With the first name of Wii, you should be laughing at it.
    14. It must be stupid,with a name like Wii.
    15. Well, thanks for sharing. Can’t seem to get that image out of my head. Thanks. Thanks alot.
    16. Have no clue about that song, but that’s okay. Ignorance is bliss. Just ask Wii.
    17. Be happy that she has dementia. You may have aged,but you can use powder. Her memory will never come back.
    18. Them’s fighting words from someone who is fluffy.
    19. I hope you don’t type the word “clock” very often. Or the word “flick”
    20. You rocked for being a hermaphrodite in high school.

    Reply

  6. Posted by soundsliketomatoes on May 1, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    ahahahah Joan.

    You know the funny this is, Lance tried to get all cosy with me and put his arm around me and after a few seconds was like *sniff sniff*, wrinkled up his nose and moved away. Mildew is the new man repellant. With mildew and crusty heels, I am the anti-sex kitten.

    Reply

  7. Posted by Robin on May 1, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    whose glasses were those???

    i do not need to smell of mildew to repel my man. i am naturally stanky.

    since we are gonna die next year as a result of all this crap we eat, i say we have a huge “going out early” party. any thoughts????

    Reply

  8. Posted by Robin on May 1, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    sounds like a good way to go. remember in patch adams when the old lady swan in the pool of pasta! HAHAHAAAA!

    AND WHOSE GLASSES WERE THOSE!!!!!????

    Reply

  9. When I worked in an office, I once got to my desk and then realized my cat had peed on my shirt. That was a lovely day.

    Why do I always seem to tell your blog followers things I would never share with my own…sorry about that.

    Reply

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