Keyboard Confessions

1.  This last time I went to get my hair cut, I got a wild hair (hahaha pun) and busted out with “Go ahead and give me some bangs!”  What I was really trying to say was “Please make it so my hair is in my face all my waking hours!”

2.  I should have read the hair dresser’s expression when she said “Really?”  Because I think she was really saying “Dude, you’re going to regret it in about 3 days.”

3.  I am wondering if anyone else out there is plagued with boogers like I am.

4.  Also, is that a dirty thing?  To say I have lots of boogers?  Is that kind of like telling everyone I have halitosis?

5.  It is possible to burn yourself out on One Hit Wonders.  I know this because I’ve been listening to my newly burned CD for the last week filled with One Hit Wonders.

6.  However, it is completely impossible to be in a bad mood listening to Come On, Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

7.  I’m pretty sure this song isn’t sung in English.  I can’t understand a durn word.

8.  Every day, I come into my office and put on a little sweater.  I feel very much like Mr. Rogers.

9.  Every day, a crazy black man comes into the office and steals magazines, pens and candy.

10.  None of us know what to do so we just let him to what he’s going to do.

11.  Also, he’s a shouter.  He’s convinced he played football with my boss.

12.  I really hope I’m not a crazy person when I get old.

13.  I also worry about what I would be shouting. 

14.  But mostly I’m just concerned I keep my underwear on and dry.

15.  Erm, this list has taken a strange turn.

16.  I decided to grow my eyebrows out.

17.  This pretty much makes me the most hideous creature alive to look at.

18.  After they are all grown out and supa manly looking, I’m going to get them waxed.

19.  It’s sad, isn’t it, that this is the only form of adventure my life has in store for me.

 

(Editor’s note: Yes, I realize this list looks incomplete.  But how do I follow up with eyebrow waxing as the only adventure waiting for me in the near future, I ask you?)

 

Happy Friday.

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8 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Carrie on April 24, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    hahahahahahahaha.

    hahahaha.

    don’t tell Winn…you might be my new favorite.

    Reply

  2. The thought of letting my eyebrows grow out for any reason is almost as scary as forgetting to wear underwear…I think…I have actually done neither so, I really can’t say.

    And as far as the boogers go, it just depends on what you do with them, like, are you sticking them under your desk in a big, dry, clumpy blob? Have bugs and gum and eyebrow hair become stuck in it? Because if that is the case, then yes that is totally gross.

    Reply

  3. Man old crazy people make me laugh. There is this one woman at the Greek Bank in Parc Ex that always comes in and starts screaming and shouting. Everyone just kind of looks at her and laughs. We have no idea what she is talking about. She isn’t speaking Greek, English, or French. We know shes Greek because she once cursed out a manager there who tried to get her to quiet down.

    I often wonder if that crazy gene is lingering in my body.

    As for hair cuts, I’m attempting to cut mine on April 30th. I’ll love it while I’m in the chair but the moment I get to the cry I’ll cry my eyes out. I haven’t cut my hair in years, like 15 of them. I just always get trims to keep from split ends, heavy hair, and all that other nasty stuff.

    I’ll probably cancel the cut part of my appointment.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Amy on April 24, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    I have grown out my eyebrows before–sometimes, after months or years of work you look at them and realize that they look nothing like you want them to look. You just have to start over. I get it.

    I am also fairly certain that when I get old and start shouting nonsense I will shout the dialogue from books I’ve read–since that is in my head a lot already–or Seinfeld quotes. But, I have put thought into it & then wondered if it puts me a step closer to or further from actually being crazy.

    Reply

  5. I’ve been wanting bangs, but haven’t had the nerve to get them. Mostly because I don’t know how to fix them. I don’t really fix my hair so much as brush it every so often. I own a hairdryer.

    I think most One Hit Wonders probably became that because everyone was so sick of the song by the time the next one was released it tanked. (This is why I only listen to the broadway station in my car)

    Loving the image of you coming into the office and putting on your cardigan. Do you then change your shoes? 😉

    I know I will be a crazy old person. I suspect I might also be a crazy young person.

    I want to get my eyebrows waxed too, they’re a bit on the wild side and I wouldn’t know what to do with a pair of tweezers if I had any. I’d probably end up looking like one of the crazy old people that tweeze them away and then draw them back on with eyeliner.

    Reply

  6. Wow, I wrote a LOT. Sorry bout that.

    Reply

  7. Posted by Alice on April 25, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    Your list made me laugh out loud (which is a bigger deal than lol…just sayin’) but the comments were a little strange. Especially the one about gum & eyebrows being stuck in your boogers…wow! And everybody has boogers, but people w/ allergies seem to have more. At least that’s what I tell myself. And I recently had to grow out my eyebrows because one was shorter than the other. I prefer to blame this on my hairdresser getting carried away with the wax rather than me plucking the wrong hair and therefore having to pluck the others around it. Sorta like when you cut your bangs and you keep getting them crooked so you wind up w/ them 1/2 inch long…bad hair days, let me tell ya!

    Reply

  8. 1. Warning. I got bangs when I was in high school, tried to grow them out 3 frickin’ times, and still have them.

    2. Should have listened to that “look” by your hairdresser. She knew. I bet she has bangs, too, doesn’t she?

    3. No, Snotty. It’s just you.

    4. No. More like genital herpes.

    5. One hit wonders is my cheap therapy. Who needs a shrink when you can crank out a one hit wonder?

    6. See. Proof!

    7. Do like me, make up your own words. Oh, and don’t forget to sing them loudly and then someone tells you you are an idiot, because dude…those AREN’T the words… then you get depressed and instead of seeing a shrink, you just crank out another one hit wonder with questionable lyrics. Oh, now I get it…I see a pattern developing.

    8. It only looks weird because you still have on your pajamas.

    9. You are hallucinating again. Or, you can’t see thru your bangs. It is really a female pygmy.

    10. She is taking things because she can’t reach them in her office.

    11. She is shouting because you called her a black man. She didn’t play football with your boss, she is his wife, so you may want to stop giving her a hard time.

    12. Too late. If you are crazy at your age, it only magnifies when you age. Plus you keep saying “What????”

    13. You would be shouting…because you will have lost your hearing by then and yelling “What????” (as indicated by #12 again)

    14. You will be wearing depends when you get old, so what difference would it make?

    15. You started it.

    16. Might as well, now that you are getting bangs to cover your uni-brow. Just curious, how do you do this? Do you give a command to them to grow out?

    17. Aw, but you are still cuter than your boss’s pygmy wife.

    18. Be careful then when you pound your head against the wall. It will only slip.

    19. You would have more adventures if you wouldn’t have gotten those bangs. Too late now.

    Reply

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