Keyboard Confessions

1.  Sometimes, if I’m not paying attention and I cough or sneeze, I pee a little. 

2.  I found this out the hard way.  Also, I was at work. 

3.  Yesterday, I was eating trail mix and a raisin fell into my bra.  I was faced with two dilemmas: how to get it out discreetly and should I eat it.

4.  I dug it out and ate it.

5.  I think I’m a decent blogger, because sometimes I go back and make myself laugh reading something I wrote.  But then I find someone new and I’m reading their blog and I’m laughing and kind of crying on the inside.  Because I’m really not the funniest person. 

6.  Also, I really think this lady is hilarious.  She’s a wee bit edgy, and I’m like conservative side edgy, which is really different. 

7.  I won this book and had a small email convo with the author (If a “convo” means he emailed me for my address and I emailed him back.  “Convo” sounds way cooler than “conversation”.) where I made a total fool of myself.  I’m secretly afraid he is saying to himself, Dear God, she needs this book desperately.

8.  I don’t have it in me to hold grudges.  I just don’t have the energy.  Also, I’m not good at remembering what you did bad to me.  Unless you’re an ex-boyfriend. 

9.  If you drop toothpaste on your cranberry colored shirt, go ahead and change shirts.  Because I did this and no matter how much water I soaked my shirt with, you could tell.

10.  As I have no fashion sense whatsoever, I still wore that shirt to work. 

11.  Perhaps it took the attention off my facial acne. 

12.  I wonder when I’ll stop looking like a 15 year old?

13.  If the radio is playing Jon Bon Jovi, I will stop and listen.  Always.

14.  I feel sort of bad for Myspace.  Myspace is like the kid at school who always brought the weird lunch and no one wanted to sit with him.

15.  I shopped today for a new purse.  It occurs to me that fashion has taken a strange turn.  Why must it look like I’m carrying a suitcase with me?  I know I talk about running away, but I don’t actually want to look like I’m running away.

 

Happy Friday.

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8 responses to this post.

  1. THAT LADY IS HILLARIOUS. I love when my friends introduce me to new friends in the blog world. But don’t worry, she won’t replace you!

    Reply

  2. I have to admit that I adore your keyboard confessions. They make me laugh all the time! I tried to do this once but I found that I am not that interesting…well I am interesting to people who know me but others… yeah…

    I’ve been known to drop toothpaste on my shirt and still attempt to wear the shirt to work BUT I’m a fashion whore. I have spare clothes in my car. The entire drive into the office I am staring at my shirt and before my car can completely stop I’m alreday digging into my trunk for an extra shirt.

    As for holding grudges… I am guilty. I’m very good at it. When people cross me they end up wishing they never met me. 😦

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on April 17, 2009 at 7:57 pm

      Lindsay, I lurve you. Also, I laughed so hard when I read where Lola wrote the word “asshat”. I wished I was brave enough to write crazy words like that. But since I’m Really Square, I just can’t do it.

      Jenny, I would love your keyboard confessions. The only clothes I have in my car are my kids’ clothes. I can’t be like Michelle Pfiefer in One Fine Day when she wears her son’s shirt. Nope, I fear it would be a really bad tube top experience.

      Reply

  3. Yup, I sat with the weird kid today. It’s a lot to take in, the backgrounds…the spam…the MUSIC! I just hope I can hold down my lunch.

    And if it’s any consolation, you always make me laugh out loud. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Posted by Mom on April 19, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    I have a tee-shirt that Kam gave me, it says “sometimes I pee when I laugh”.
    I wore it to work one friday for casual/clean up day. My boss kept me in the back ALL DAY and I didn’t have to see any clients. Guess he didn’t think it was funny. But then again, maybe he just couldn’t relate, I mean, do guys ever pee when they laugh? I know they fart when they do, but that’s a whole different subject.

    Reply

  5. Posted by Joel on April 19, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    #1-#4 mean that you are pregnant! I hope it’s not by the vampire!

    Reply

  6. what if you had spilled buffalo sauce down your bra? would you have dipped?

    johnny used to work on the docks.

    Reply

  7. 1. Sometimes when I DO pay attention, I pee a little when I laugh. And cry. oh, and sneeze. Oh, and breathe.
    2. I found it out the easy way. I wasn’t at work, thank goodness…but I was at a meeting with a lot of high faluten (is faluten a word?) people. It is amazing that you can fold your undies in a tiny ball if you want to hide them in your purse.
    3. I hate trail mix. I would have opted to just eat the bra.
    4. Raisins are always better plumped up with moisture.
    5. You have dementia. Go back and read yourself again and remember how funny you are!
    6. I will check out her blog too!
    7. Was it the Bible? Because God would never do that!
    8. What if it was your exboyfriend in drag? Would you still be mad? Would you hold a grudge?
    9. No. NO. You are supposed to soak your dentures. You were brushing your gums, silly girl. No wonder you dripped on your shirt!
    10. It was your pajama top, but no one was willing to tell you. I mean, who OWNS a cranberry colored SHIRT?
    11. Stop eating that trail mix crap and you will have no more acne.
    12. When the acne is gone and you eat your bra. Things will droop and clear up at the same time.
    13. Where are you, in an elevator?
    14. Don’t feel sorry for Myspace…it just has to have a beauty makeover when everyone has “used up” Facebook and it may make a comeback, who knows?
    15. Keep the big purse. It will be handy to hide all your wet underwear in and to pack away your Depends.

    The Retirement Chronicles

    Reply

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