Dear Birds of the Parking Lot,
Please stop pooping on my car. It’s gross. And rude. I don’t poop on your tree branches. And I’ll bet my poop has way less germs and bacteria and cooties than your poop. Stop it.
Also, please stop flying into our building and messing up our basement as I’m the only woman brave enough to capture you and release you back to the wild also known as the concrete parking lot. My bravery attempts have reached their maximum. Stay out.
The lady in the green car,