Tis time for me to wax eloquent and gush wisdom from my melting brain.
I had an epiphany not too long ago about love. Love, it seems, when done correctly is very inconvenient.
I know what you’re thinking, because I’m psychic. You’re thinking, no way, that’s bogus (because you’re thinking in late ’80’s terms) and totally not true! Love is hearts and flowers and little twitty birds following you wherever you go! It’s happy and fun and romantic and stuff!
Well, that’s a small part of love, like the wrapper to the candy, but the real stuff is on the inside.
See, love is meant to be a selfless thing. Love is about the other person, and not really about you.
This is a strange concept. We live in a society that focuses on self. Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-fulfillment. And you know, those are not bad things on their own. But paired with love, they become greedy and demanding.
You ever heard that saying, to make your marriage work it takes 50/50 from each of you?
(Editor’s note: it’s not just marriages – it could be just relationships period.)
Well that 50/50 thing is bogus. Yes, I just stole your ’80’s jargon. It’s actually 100/100. See, if I give 50% and you give 50%, it still means I’m giving 50% of myself to something else. It’s not my best effort.
There is a movie out called Fireproof, done by the same makers of Facing the Giants. I have to admit, it was pretty good. It’s the story of a marriage that is headed for divorce. The love the characters felt had waned and they became very selfish, only thinking of me, me and more me.
Take my kids, for example. It is very easy to be a selfish parent. I know this because I sat yesterday in child support court, helping my boss with a massive docket. I tell you what, if I was a sociologist, I would think that the child support court goings on would make for a fascinating research paper.
*dead beat dads
*dead beat moms
and the list goes on and on. These are men and women who have been a part of the birth of a child and then not supported them. They are full of excuses, of reasons why they are not paying as ordered, of asking for another chance. The other parent is furious, their whole body language practically screaming how much they hate the non-payer.
It’s so sad. And exhausting. After a whole day of watching real life, I wanted to go back to my comfortable cocoon and take a nap.
Divorces are the same way. Here is a man and his wife, who once were in love, stars in their eyes, and now years, sometimes just months later, they look at each other with contempt, with hurt and anger. It makes you wonder if they really knew what love was to begin with.
Does love end so easily?
Here is my thought. I think true love takes sacrifice. It’s me saying, I’m not first. In fact, I’m not really on the list at all.
That doesn’t mean I become a welcome mat, or don’t take care of myself. It means I find my fulfillment in others’ happiness. I find my joy in serving others. In my sacrifice. I’m not a martyr, I’m a servant.
In lieu of Valentine’s Day, the day of love, I think this is so very important to realize what love really is.