Love is inconvenient and other wisdomy things from Kearsie

Tis time for me to wax eloquent and gush wisdom from my melting brain.

I had an epiphany not too long ago about love.  Love, it seems, when done correctly is very inconvenient. 

I know what you’re thinking, because I’m psychic.  You’re thinking, no way, that’s bogus (because you’re thinking in late ’80’s terms) and totally not true!  Love is hearts and flowers and little twitty birds following you wherever you go!  It’s happy and fun and romantic and stuff!

Well, that’s a small part of love, like the wrapper to the candy, but the real stuff is on the inside.

See, love is meant to be a selfless thing.  Love is about the other person, and not really about you. 

This is a strange concept.  We live in a society that focuses on self. Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-fulfillment.  And you know, those are not bad things on their own.  But paired with love, they become greedy and demanding.

You ever heard that saying, to make your marriage work it takes 50/50 from each of you? 

(Editor’s note:  it’s not just marriages – it could be just relationships period.)

Well that 50/50 thing is bogus.  Yes, I just stole your ’80’s jargon.  It’s actually 100/100.  See, if I give 50% and you give 50%, it still means I’m giving 50% of myself to something else.  It’s not my best effort. 

There is a movie out called Fireproof, done by the same makers of Facing the Giants.  I have to admit, it was pretty good. It’s the story of a marriage that is headed for divorce.  The love the characters felt had waned and they became very selfish, only thinking of me, me and more me. 

Take my kids, for example.  It is very easy to be a selfish parent.  I know this because I sat yesterday in child support court, helping my boss with a massive docket.  I tell you what, if I was a sociologist, I would think that the child support court goings on would make for a fascinating research paper. 

You’ve got:

*anger

*selfishness

*dead beat dads

*dead beat moms

*excuses galore

*impatience

*grudges

*sadness

*drug abuse

*uncleanliness

*apathy

and the list goes on and on.  These are men and women who have been a part of the birth of a child and then not supported them.  They are full of excuses, of reasons why they are not paying as ordered, of asking for another chance. The other parent is furious, their whole body language practically screaming how much they hate the non-payer. 

It’s so sad.  And exhausting.  After a whole day of watching real life, I wanted to go back to my comfortable cocoon and take a nap.

Divorces are the same way.  Here is a man and his wife, who once were in love, stars in their eyes, and now years, sometimes just months later, they look at each other with contempt, with hurt and anger.  It makes you wonder if they really knew what love was to begin with.

Does love end so easily?

Here is my thought.  I think true love takes sacrifice.  It’s me saying, I’m not first.  In fact, I’m not really on the list at all.

That doesn’t mean I become a welcome mat, or don’t take care of myself.  It means I find my fulfillment in others’ happiness.  I find my joy in serving others.  In my sacrifice.  I’m not a martyr, I’m a servant.

In lieu of Valentine’s Day, the day of love, I think this is so very important to realize what love really is.

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Jaime Williamson on February 11, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    If you want to go further with the 50/50…100/100 thing, you could actually think of it as 100/0. I give 100% to my spouse and expect 0% back. I love because I choose to love. I don’t love because he deserves it. Did we deserve Christ’s love? I’m not talking about how he feels about us. The greatest picture of love is what Christ did on the cross, and he certainly didn’t “FEEL” lovie dovie skipping to the hill of calvary. He prayed and begged 3 times not to have to do that. But he SHOWED…he DID love. He did an action. What could he expect from us in return? Nothing. What could we actually give him in return? HA! Nothing! So to really love is 100/0 you could say. Great post. I pray it opens eyes.

    Reply

  2. Gosh, I love how your melting brain thinks.

    Reply

  3. I saw a unicorn!!!

    I did I did!!!

    Reply

  4. Posted by freebutterfly on February 11, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    This post is 100% on point. And I may have to link to it with my next giveaway, since The Love Dare has opened my eyes to these things as well!

    Very, very well said!

    Reply

  5. We had a speaker come to my workplace once. We gathered in a conference room. The room got quiet as he began. He went to the middle of the room (the chairs were placed in a circle) and put down a bucket. And said nothing for what seemed like minutes. We waited, nervously. Then, quietly, he asked: “Are you a bucket filler or a bucket emptier?” We sat, puzzled. He said nothing again for a few minutes. Then he repeated the question, this time with a little more explanation. He said: “With every single person in your life, and every action, do you add something to help fill their bucket –or-do you take something away from their bucket and make it more empty?”‘
    He added: “because you can only do ONE of those two things with each action and thing you say to your loved ones”.
    We got it.
    It was the most moving presentation I have ever heard at work.
    People left and treated each other at work with a lot more respect,communication and love.
    Imagine how it works in a marriage.
    Always strive to be a bucket filler for your significant other.

    I love this concept!

    Reply

  6. Posted by soundsliketomatoes on February 11, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Wow, Retired and Awarded One, that is such a great illustration. I will remember that.

    Reply

  7. Agreed. 100% agreed. Your brain is amazing when it’s melting. I should go defrost mine. I feel like this should be read and understood by a lot of people I know. A lot.

    Reply

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