The PMS fog

Or the post better known as “Blog titles to make men run away”.

I’m not picky.

Or perhaps you menfolk are curious and are thinking to yourselves, hmm, this may be the post that clears up a few questions I have about my mom/sister/second cousin twice removed/girlfriend/wife/sister-in-law/co-worker/weird neighbor lady.

Well then stick around, menfolk, and I shall school you on PMS.

So, we ladies are just going through our month, waking up, eating, sleeping, doing dishes and laundry, taking care of pets/kids/life and then WHAM. 

Something hits us. 

It’s a fog.  It clouds our sight.  It messes with our mind. It makes us say a bunch of foolishness and meanness.  Sometimes we weep.  Sometimes we yell.  Sometimes we have to take naps, just so we don’t kill anyone.  Most times we need chocolate to make it through the day.

What is this debilitating fog? 

It’s PMS.

I really think that the person who penned that song “Nobody Likes Me, Every Body Hates Me, Guess I’ll Eat Some Worms” was a woman going through The Fog.  Because that is exactly how I feel during those few days where The Fog surrounds me.  I feel almost paranoid. 

Like EVERYONE is out to get me. 

EVERYONE avoids me.

EVERYONE is secretly thinking I’m horrible/ugly/not funny/fat/unlikable/weird. 

Here’s the thing. We know this isn’t reality, but it feels that way.  It’s like for 2-3 days we take off our glasses that we normally wear and put on another set of glasses that skew the way the world looks.  And if you’re super mental like me, you are thinking those 2-3 days, is this the way life REALLY is or is it just my PMS?  And you’re almost too scared to find the answer.

Lance is pretty good with my, erm, afflictions.  The other night, after listening to me huff and puff about something menial like postage stamps and why they have to taste so bad and how that offends me he just looked at me for a few moments and said real quiet-like, “Erm, is your period coming?”

There were two different answers that were having a war in my mind.  One was “EXCUSE ME?  LET ME TAKE THIS PEN AND STAB YOU IN YOUR EYEBALL!”  The second was “Thank you SO MUCH for understanding that I am not a psychopathic person in need of stabilizing medications”. 

I opted for the second.  In fact, it was actually kind of helpful.  I had hoped I could continue in my tirade of all the things I felt were wrong in the world that I could complain about.  After awhile, though, Lance clammed up and stared at the TV.

I feel bad for men.  I mean, I feel bad for us more, because dude.  Having a uterus and a plethora of raging hormones is no picnic.  Not to mention puberty and the need for supportive clothing items and shopping in the embarrassing parts of Walmart and labor and delivery and all.  But I feel bad for menfolk because they honestly don’t know what to do with us.  Pretty much it’s a given that no matter what they say, they’re in the wrong.  Unless they come home with their pockets filled with chocolate, a sappy DVD in their hands along with the promise that we can say whatever we want because they’re metaphorically wearing Kevlar, they’re pretty much going to be hating life.

Perhaps this will serve as a help for you menfolk, to understand that we don’t want this, we didn’t ask for it, and we don’t enjoy it anymore than you. 

And for us women, tell me how you get through The Fog.  Seriously, I need something other than 47 Reese’s Cups and The Notebook

Also, I promise to write something next that doesn’t include embarrassing body terms or female maladies.  Maybe.

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12 responses to this post.

  1. This post made me CRY!

    And I have no idea why I am crying!

    Man I am such a DORK!

    Wait, you weren’t thinking that were you?

    WOOOHOOO! I found an M&M under the couch cushion!

    But,

    Keep The Notebook…I’ll opt for Kill Bill instead…

    Reply

  2. So sorry I can’t help you with the advice part…I had a hysterectomy over ten years ago. Then, I took the removed uterus, had it cremated, went on my Harley with the ashes across country (with the song: “Born to be Wild!” blaring from the radio) until I reached the ocean and flung the ashes into the water, yelling WOO HOO!!!!!!!
    (Not really, but that is how FREE I felt!) Of course, now…instead of PMS, I have to shave, deal with hot flashes, shed dry skin off like a Rattler and when I answer the phone, they ask: “Can I please speak to the lady of the house?”…..
    Being a woman is SO dang fun!!!! (*wink*)

    Reply

  3. Posted by Jaime Williamson on January 26, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    And not only are we ill and crybabies for 2-3 days…but it makes me poop too!!! I know you wanted to know!

    Reply

  4. good story

    Reply

  5. Wow, Jamie, sure you don’t want to start a blog????

    Reply

  6. Posted by soundsliketomatoes on January 27, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Jaime, you’re killing me! ahahahahaah “it makes me poop too” ahahahahahahhahaahahahahaah

    Reply

  7. Posted by Jaime Williamson on January 27, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    Well, Kim…I do have a blog, but it is nothing near as funny as this one. Mine is just of my family and what’s going on with my boys (“just of my family”…that sounded bad). Anyway…if you’re curious, it’s
    mattjaime.blogspot.com See, then name isn’t even funny!!

    Reply

  8. Posted by Jaime Williamson on January 27, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    Sorry…I hate typos. I meant “The name isn’t even funny.”

    Reply

  9. HAHAHAH I just laughed so hard. Thanks for the pick-me-up today!

    Reply

  10. Oh Kearsie. You have summed up my life in a nutshell. Well, my week of each month. Thanks for making me laugh so hard I piddled. Thanks.

    Reply

  11. Posted by Candy on January 29, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    Oh chocolate and a sappy movie sounds ssoooo good right now.. a good girlfriend chat is always good or reading your blog helps..;) by the way I love your Name always have …

    Reply

  12. Posted by Morgan on January 31, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Kears, I’m a little concerned that you’ve mentioned on more than one occasion that you want to stab someone in the eyeball (or other body part) with a pen. Just saying. LOL
    My own little bit of torment on earth…. my daughter just had her first period 2 months ago. Well, honey, I’ve been dealing with her Fog for about the past year & a half for most days out of the month! During that time every woman in her life said, “Oh dear God, it’s coming soon!” And I’m not proud to say that my mantra was, “If she doesn’t start bleeding soon, I’m gonna make her bleed!!”
    Oh Lord, I think I’ve got a pen stuck in my eyeball!

    Reply

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