How I lost my religion at Walmart

6:15 – I look outside at the bleak blackness of the night and inform my family I am about to go on a mission to Walmart to get some pictures developed for an upcoming scrapbook fest planned later this week.  Lance protests.  I insist.  I get in the car and drive to Walmart, listening to Steve Miller.

6:38 – I walk to the photo section of Walmart.  Crud.  There is a line to use the Kodak machine.  I quickly park myself in back of the line.  In front of me is a young couple, probably in high school.  They are shuffling their feet, texting on their phones, waiting for the elderly lady currently using the Kodak machine.

6:45 – I am determined to set a fine example of patience for these two youngsters.  I am not in a hurry.  I try to relish the fact that I get to do this without the girls.  There would be much fighting, some tears, a few trips to the bathroom and begging to peruse the toy aisles. 

6:53 – I can’t help it. I begin to tap my foot.  I exchange a look with the youngsters, kind of a I know, can you believe this is taking so long?  look.

6:57 – I squint my eyes to see what in the world this old lady is working on.  It looks like wedding photos.  Great.  I think I just felt my hair grow a little.  The earth might have rotated some, I can’t tell because I am as antsy as the youngsters now. 

7:04 – Seriously?  She is cropping and enhancing every.single.photo.  I stare at her cankles.  Then I look down at my feet and decide I have no room to judge her there.

7: 09 – Arg!  I hate you, Kodak machine hog!  I walk away.  Habit takes me to the toy section.

7: 15 – I walk back to the photo section.  Old lady is now paying for her bazillions of photos.  The youngsters are at it now.

7: 19 – I am now taking my turn on the machine.  Now it’s nice and quiet and I take my time developing 70 pictures of my beautiful girls.  I crop and enhance several of them.

7: 25 – Behind me is someone in line to use the machine.  They are staring at my cankles, shuffling their feet.  I realize I have just come full circle.  Crap.

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9 responses to this post.

  1. wait. what does this have to do with losing your religion? is this a reference to something else? and what are these cankles you speak of? they sound fun. can i have some?

    you could have avoided this whole situation if you just pushed grandma out of the way and said “time’s up”.

    Reply

  2. Posted by soundsliketomatoes on November 4, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    Lost patience + love for the common man – er, lady = losing my religion. I also judged her giant calf/ankles = cankles. They are not so much fun, especially when trying to wear socks.

    I daydreamed about pushing her out of the way. I suppose I really am evil at heart.

    Reply

  3. Posted by Kamryn on November 4, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    No, my dear. Evil is actually doing it. Daydreaming about it and squashing that little bubble of excitement because you know your mama taught you better — that’s restraint. 🙂

    Reply

  4. Posted by Robin on November 4, 2008 at 11:51 pm

    hey girl i checked out that circles are forever website and loved it. thanks! love ya! by the way, cankles rule…

    Reply

  5. LOL!

    You Know!!!!! You can do that ONLINE!!!!! in your jammies, with your coffee! You can still send it to walmart over the web, and STILL get one hour service and still PICK UP at WalMart. Or you can pay a little postage and they will arrive in your snail-mail. They have photo edit features on the web site. You can do the same with snapfish and pick up in some towns. the shipping works out better anyway.

    I do it that way. Best of luck.

    PS I found your blog through an etsy thread

    Reply

  6. Posted by soundsliketomatoes on November 6, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    You know, as I was standing there looking at all the offerrings of the photo section, I did see a sign that said that very same thing. Send your photos by email and pick them up in an hour. Next time, I think I’ll do that. Having my cankles stared at isn’t very fun. Thanks for reading!

    Reply

  7. Posted by Mom on November 8, 2008 at 12:35 am

    Cankles? Can you blog in them? Doesn’t that get akward trying to keep the beat with those monitors strapped to your ankles? No, wait, that ‘s clogging. Never mind.
    Pictures! Lots of pictures! For me, maybe? Pretty please with sugar on top? If not then lets just go right back to the toy isle, ‘cos there’s a couple of barbies that are pretty neat!

    Reply

  8. We get to practice this “not losing our religion” or sanity, for that matter, when Josh and I go shopping together. He always picks the line that has the Coupon Clipper, the woman who insists the ceramic owl is on sale, the kale that the checker cannot find the number for, and the 92-year-old that decides to fill out her her entire check ONLY AFTER the total amount is announced, loudly, four times…

    So now I pick the check-out lines…much better…

    Reply

  9. Posted by Jaime on November 30, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    I went to college with Jennifer Pickelsimer. I found your blog when she told another friend about it on Facebook…long story bearable…I’m spying on your blog and I love it! I love your perspective on things and your humor. You seem like a really funny person and a fun mommy. I look foward to reading more of your blog. Mine is mattjaime.blogspot.com
    Tell Pickel I said hello!! Thanks for sharing on your blog.
    –Jaime Williamson

    Reply

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