The Women

You know your life is too busy when you have to squeeze in a date on an unromantic Wednesday night.  But that’s our life right now, so I’m not complaining.

After a quick bite at Steak Out, we went to see The Women, starring Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Debra Messing, Jada Pinket-Smith and Candice Bergen.  There were other stars, of course, all a great cast.  I must give my dear husband big props for willingly going to see a movie that he was surely to be the only one watching with facial hair. 

The Women, is a movie about New York women who are friends from completely different backgrounds.  You’ve got a career woman, a lesbian, a hippy mother and a woman who tries to do it all.  Through a manicure at Saks, one of the friends learns that her best friend’s husband is having an affair with the “Spritzer girl” at Saks, played by Eva Mendes.  It’s, in short, a movie about relationships, betrayal and finding yourself.

I thought it was great.  Of course, I have estrogen and boobs and a uterus and this movie was plainly geared to folks such as me.  In fact, there wasn’t one man in the movie.  There were lots of them eluded to, but it was only gals on the big screen.

Now, admittedly, this is a movie about a group of women in a whole different world.  New York, land of the fashion show, land of Prada, land of spending more on a lunch than I’d spend on an outfit.  I’ve read a lot about life in New York (The Devil Wears Prada, Shopaholic Takes Manhattan, Everyone Worth Knowing, etc.), but I have no real basis for knowledge.  I would be the awkward tourist, balking at paying $15 for a cheeseburger.  I would be the loudly protesting woman who refused to pay $50 for a cab to take her three blocks.  I, who wear not even last season’s shoes but shoes from four seasons ago, and I bought them on sale at Sears.  And let’s not even touch my hair issues. New York is an alternate universe. 

And to be fair, this movie has as it’s whole underlying theme “Be selfish, take time for yourself, find yourself, self, self, self”, which made my husband crazy.  It’s pop psychology at it’s best, a completely liberal mindset. 

I, however, kind of related.  Let me just sound off for a moment.

My life consists of several well defined roles:  I’m a wife, a mom, an employee, a daughter, a sister and a friend.  Each of those roles are important and need to be fed in order to remain healthy.  But this is worth noting- each of those roles affect the other person.  I’m a wife, which affects my husband, I’m a mom which affects my children, etc.  But take away any of those relationships and what am I left with?

I love what Candice Bergen says (she plays Meg Ryan’s mother).  She says, “I never accomplished anything.  I was ambivalent.”  Meaning, as she reached the older part of her life, still chasing beauty and security, there was nothing she was proud of.  She never invested anything of herself into anything else.  I wonder, isn’t that what EVERYONE is afraid of?  That as they reach the later portions of life that they will look back and regret how little they gave of themselves, that they didn’t at least TRY something?  Well, maybe that spoke to me because this is what I’m afraid of and I’m only 32. 

It made Lance upset that I bought into this message, but I don’t want to regret anything.  I want to invest myself into all those relationships, betrayal eminent or not, and in essence invest myself into something.  Find something I’m good at and do it.  I want to find my sweet spot.  I want to do what I love and get paid for it.  The trouble is, what is that?  And what does it look like?  And is that something I can pursue now?  Or do I need to wait until finances are better, the children are grown, we are more settled somewhere? 

Is this something you think about too?  What are you investing in?


7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by fivemoreminutesplease on September 18, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    It’s like you are reading my mind…


  2. I have many days when I want to figure out what it is that I am searching for. I keep putting myself off because of my husband and kids. I need to find a hobby or something for me.


  3. Posted by tr3n1ty on September 18, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    Just going to say one thing about New York cabs. New York cabs are actually quite cheap and one heck of a ride too! It was more fun than some of the rides I’ve been on at State Fairs. We missed some cars by only inches and went far faster than I honestly think was safe. Needless to say, we buckled up and just enjoyed ourselves… There weren’t many scrape marks on the cab, maybe he’d gotten it repainted recently.


  4. Posted by Robin on September 19, 2008 at 2:17 am

    i guess i would say that even tho i am not, by what the world would consider, a person who contributes to society, i feel like i am exactly where i’m supposed to be. i agree that it’s important to take time for ourselves and fill ourselves up with things that fulfill us. i visit with my friends, play on facebook, and go out with the gals occasionally. all of these things recharge my “self” greatly. i am a wife, mother and friend as well, but as much as those relationships are for the other person involved they also benefit me greatly. so to answer your question ….”But take away those relationships and what am i left with?” you would be a person who has loved and been loved. you would be a person who has sought god over how to behave in and nuture a relationship. you would be a person who prayed about husbands and babies and went after that vision confidently. so even tho taking time for ourselves is important and unfortuantely often overlooked, the purpose for our lives as christians really should be service to others. ya know, the whole do unto others bit……i often find myself wanting “more”, but the lord always reminds me that he has a purpose for me and my role right now that i can’t even fathom yet!!!! i had a similar reaction to yours when i read the book “dove”. the book about the guy who sailed around the world alone at age 15!!! one of his quotes was “my greatest fear was that i was going to wake up at the end of someone else’s life.” that quote really shook me to the core. i became terrified that i was going to just widdle away MY life while i was accomidating my husbands. i guess in the end i just let go of that fear and purposely chose to trust god with my life. he looks out for me just as much as looks out for my husband, so thus began my journey into contentment. i think the world views it as “anti feminist” and i feel like i get judgemnet from people, but i guess the bible full on warned us that we would go against the grain and people would hate it. i certainly don’t see anything wrong with us doing the things god gave us the talent to do and get paid for it!!! i swear i will be knocking on the nursing school door as soon as the time is right. it’s not now i can tell yo that much…..everytime i have made an advancement towards a career i just get this sick feeling in my stomach. some would say that is just laziness and that the truth is that i really just want my husband to work, so i can sit around and eat bon bons. HA! have those people seen my life??? money would be so nice and needed, but we are o.k. we certainly aren’t starving (look at my stomach if you want to see evidence) and the kids seem happy enough with their wal mart shoes. the truth is that i am just supposed to be home taking care of all of them right now. as much of a sacrifice as that is, i really think i will see the blessing come later…..i agree with tr3nity on the cab in new york thing…..carziness…..if you survive!!!!!!!!!! schnikeys this was a long comment…..sorry….HA!


  5. How do you think this relates to the words of Jesus, “He who loses his life for my sake will find it”? The world will tell us it’s all about self, finding ourselves, fulfilling ourselves, that we are defined by our relationships. But Jesus tells us we find ourselves by losing ourselves, by giving ourselves for his sake.

    So living completely for others, for the glory of God, is the only way to true happiness, fulfillment, and joy. That is the real ‘sweet spot.’ If we live our lives for the glory of God, we do not have to be afraid of getting to the end of our lives and wondering ‘what happened? who was I? what did I do with my life?’ even if all that is visible is changing diapers, cooking meals, or typing legal reports… because we have lived for what is invisible, not what is visible.

    Women are particularly vulnerable to the temptation of fear in this area (although men, who tend to be defined by what they do from 9 to 5, are not exempt), and the feminist movement, with the ideology that we have to do something remarkable or fantastic in order to be fulfilled, has really added to this in our current culture.

    OK. now I’ll stop with all this and give you your blog back. This was a great question! I guess I’ve thought about this a bit before….


  6. I’m a little late on this, but I wanted to post because I’m catching what you’re throwing. First and foremost, knowing you, your family *is* your joy. As is mine. But one day, those kids grow up. They’re not under our roof anymore. And what are we left with if we’ve never found out who WE are? God made us 100% BEFORE we were married, BEFORE we had kids. Yes, husband and kids can be integral parts to His plan for us, OF COURSE, but they’re not always going to be there, and we need know what it is to be the women God intended us to be, not just the wives, not just the mommies. What happens if all of those relationships are stripped from us for one reason or another, wasn’t that your question… Don’t we need to know who we are on our own too? God made that person too. And she needs to be there when the kids are out of the house and she needs to know how to be Just Wife and Just Woman. At least that’s the way I see it.


  7. Posted by itsjustmythang on September 27, 2008 at 5:11 am

    My family and myself at the moment. I think there are seasons in life and limits, weither self imposed our circumstantial. Either way they are there and I’d liked to be content in them all. Didn’t Paul say to be all things to all people, and that he was content in all circumstances? Yadda, yadda, yadda…I’d like to be there and know as long as I’m loving God and people, in relationship with Him and others, that’s got to be the sweetest place to be. Oh and like 3 dress sizes smaller! It’s kind of embarrassing when my daughter asks “Mommy, whys your butt so sloshy?” What?


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