Last night, after ushering my kiddos off into the sunset with their Nana, headed for Awanas, I went home and watched a movie. I was all alone in my humble abode, completely encased in solitude. No one came running up to me, tattling and screaming, no one asked me for juice, no one asked me to do laundry, to pay a bill. It was just me and blessed silence. It was delicious.
I had prepared for the evening by renting Baby Mama, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. It wasn’t Oscar material, but that’s what I wanted. To my surprise upon seeing the movie credits, I still had a hour to myself before the girls would be coming home. I popped in Family Man.
Family Man is one of my favorite movies ever. I think technically it’s considered a Christmas movie, but I’m a rebel and don’t follow ridiculous social rules like that. That’s just the way I roll. In fact, if it wasn’t for Lance’s silly rule that I’m not allowed to play annoying Christmas music until after Thanksgiving, I’d be jamming it Christmas-style everyday.
Anyways, I’m sitting there, curled up under my blanket, watching Family Man, my brain just a-whirling. I kept thinking, there’s a blog in here somewhere.
I got to thinking…
What would my life have looked like if some of the choices I made were different. For example–my move to Florida to attend college. I moved from Anchorage, Alaska in August of 1996 to attend a tiny 500-student college in the panhandle of Florida located in a town with two traffic lights. Madness, you say? Perhaps. I had been climbing the walls of Anchorage for so long that I had to GET OUT AND GET OUT NOW. My BFF, Robin, was with me at the airport and as she was hugging me for the final time, she said, “You’re not coming back.” And she was right. I had no desire to live in Alaska anymore. The beautiful mountains were nothing more than walls to me, shutting me up from The Outside. I had to get out. But…
What if I had stayed? I was already going to college there, I probably would have just continued until I got my degree in…Underwater Basket Weaving or whatever was in my mind then. I probably would have kept renting that room in that lady’s house, driving my beat up Subaru. I would have continued attending the same church, hanging out with the same folks. I probably would have married some Alaskan rugged boy, maybe learning how to snowboard or some other snow-related sport.
I made the better choice. I got off the plane, started choking on the humidity in the air and knew I had made the right choice.
How about the last boy I dated before meeting Lance? He was talking of looking at rings, I was looking for a way out. What if I had stayed? His family was great, and he and I made a good team. On paper it would have worked. But when I called to tell him I didn’t want to continue, I knew I was making the right choice.
Wow, life would sure be different. My mother was just a child, not even old enough to drive when she had me. Her life would have been so different. My life and George’s life are total opposites-I haven’t saved a child’s life because the pharmacist was going to poison him, there wasn’t some town bully buying up the whole town that I kept from happening. But maybe my life has made a difference, somehow, somewhere. I may not ever find out how.
Perhaps it’s morbid curiosity that makes me think this way…what if? Morbid or not, it makes me thankful to be right here, right now. It is a wonderful life.