Are you like me in that you hear something which causes you to think about something else which then snowballs into a totally different idea? You’re not? Oh dear, maybe I am crazy…
Well, anyways I got to thinking about modern day pirating. It’s still around, you know, crazy people who hijack boats and resort to violence in bodies of water. This is such a strange idea. I don’t really see how this works in today’s uber-technologically sophisticated anti-crime day and age. But then, people are still grabbing purses from little old ladies in the subway, so maybe it does.
My only real aquaintance with pirating is found in the movies. Pirates of the Caribbean, Hook, Princess Bride, Muppet Treasure Island…I even watched that really bad pirate movie from the 80’s called The Pirate Movie (ok, secretly I really liked that one). In fact, there’s even an entire website dedicated to listing all the pirate movies out there.
It appears in order to be a pirate, based on these movies, one must have no sense of cleanliness, horrible grammar and sound as though forty packs of cigarettes were smoked that day. Also a great love for rum. (why always rum? Never vodka or just plain beer. Perhaps they have never tasted the goodness of Diet Coke.)
So I got to thinking, if there are modern day pirates, what do they sound like?
Let’s take the popular phrase shiver me timbers. According to the website called Pirate Talk (do these people have jobs??) it’s a phrase used when taken by surprise. So do modern day pirates shout “O.M.G.!”?
Ahoy, me hearty. It’s just a kind of “hello!” Kind of like a modern day “Yo, homey, wassup!”. Throw in a high five and you’re a happy pirate.
How about Arrr. We hear it in our heads when we think of a pirate. What does it mean exactly? I think it’s anything said pirate wants it to mean. Could be a vocal pause (think like a pirate-someone’s just asked me a question, I must play the tough, cool customer and sound really mean so I just shout “Arrr!”). It could be a “You’re crazy!” (“Captain! Should we just turn ourselves over to the Marque?!” “…Arrr!”)
What about the term landlubber. It’s meant to insult someone’s abilities at sea. So maybe the modern day politically correct term would be “sailing challenged”? If so, I am a serious landlubber.
I can’t forget the ever so popular swab the deck from many a pirate movie. I think modern day translation would be “Yo! Somebody grab a mop and get to workin!” (You like how my modern day pirate sounds like a thug?)
And one that gets me every time is the phrase avaste ye. What a cool way to shout STOP! The next time my kiddos are doing something wrong, I’ll just shout “Avaste ye scallywags!” I think they’ll stop, look at me and say “huh?”
But it would have worked!