Keyboard Confessions

1.  You know, I was beginning to think no one read these confessions until I skipped last week.  Then I had all kinds of questions- “Where are the Confessions??”  “Kearsie, did you disappear?”  “Please will you continue doing your Confessions??”

2.  …Ok, that might be a bit of a stretch.  It was only one person who noticed.  And she didn’t ask questions.  It was more like “Dude, there’s some Confessions missing from your blog.”

3.  So I like to read into things, ok?

4.  I don’t own a robe.  This is not really interesting at all, but this is what I was thinking of when I fell asleep last night.

5.  However, even if I owned a robe, I don’t think I’d ever have time to wear it. 

6.  My life is so not like the movies.  I don’t wake up at 4:30 a.m., shower, walk around in a robe for an hour with perfectly styled hair, slowly sipping on a cup of coffee, having witty banter with my kids at the breakfast table.

7.  Nay.  My mornings usually are more like repeating one phrase over and over:  hurry up!!!  we’re gonna be late!!!  hurry up!!!  we’re gonna be late!!! and then leaving the house with wet hair. 

8.  So, I think I’m ok with no robe.

9.  I’d much rather have a Snuggie.  To match Edward.

10.  It turns out, most of the folks around me think I’ve taken things a bit too far with my Edward doll.  Dude, what is so wrong with sewing a tshirt for Edward doll?  I don’t make fun of anyone else’s hobby, unless you collect Dale Earnhart, Jr. plates or something.  Then, hey, you’re just asking for it.

11.  …if one of you precious readers collects Dale Earnhart, Jr. collectable plates, I promise I will not make fun of you.  And I might even let you hold Edward doll.

12.  Sometimes, my office chair sinks down.  I’m pretty sure this is nature’s way of saying I’ve put on some weight.

13.  I gave my girls this tiny Christmas tree that stands about 1 foot tall.  They put it in their Barbie Mansion.  It needed lights, so I went to Walmart and found a tiny strand that is battery operated. They are super cute.  But guess what?  I’m pretty sure the light makers soaked the strand in cat pee.  The words “it stinks” is clearly understated.

14.  I found a tiny Santa coat.  That’s all I’m gonna say.

15.  My Hubs says after Christmas I am not allowed to sew or knit for a few months.  I suppose hearing me constantly complain of the pain in my wrist is a bit annoying.

16.  Guess what?  When your wrist is in constant pain having to sign 900 gagillion office Christmas cards is SO.MUCH.FUN.

17.  By Card # 3 I was like “screw it” and just basically scribbled.

18.  That’s ok, they can’t pronounce my name anyways.

19.  If anyone is missing some boogers, it’s because they are all in my nose.

20.  I have a date on Saturday.  So if you see the boogery nose lady all wrapped up in a hat and gloves, that would be me. 

Happy Friday!

19 responses to this post.

  1. My boyfriend’s mom is convinced that a Snuggie is a backwards robe and mentions repeatedly that she doesn’t get why anyone would want one.

    I think a Snuggie would be nice, I almost told her I wanted one for Christmas.

    Reply

  2. Posted by Kelly on December 4, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    14. I found a tiny Santa coat. That’s all I’m gonna say.

    Umm… are we gonna be seeing Edward doll dressed up as Santa?

    And I enjoy reading your keyboard confessions! Please keep them up.

    Reply

  3. I have a robe.

    But I don’t have a Dale Jr. collector plate.

    Even though I did go to the spring NASCAR race in Talledaga few years ago.

    Don’t judge.

    Reply

  4. Posted by Kellie on December 4, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    So I read into things too and what I clearly see from this Confessional is the future with Edward in a little santa outfit by the tree desperately trying to hold his nose because of the odor and cursing his maker for lack of elbows …

    hope your wrists feel better :) I may not read them in a timely manner but I adore your blog entries – they make me laugh out loud at work (in my cube) and give my coworkers added confirmation that I am crazy.

    Reply

  5. Posted by Aunt Vam on December 4, 2009 at 5:07 pm

    Nobody can pronounce or spell my name either, it’s a Kaufman thing, eh?

    AAANNYYways, I commend you for using three socially objectionable words in one blog: pee, screw and boogers. What an accomplishment!

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on December 4, 2009 at 5:11 pm

      I know. It was hard, I admit. Now if only I could blog about my skin tag in a womanly area, then I’ll REALLY be objectionable.

      Reply

    • Posted by Aunt Shanon on December 5, 2009 at 5:00 am

      Nobody can get my name right either. It is Shanon NOT Sharon. There is no R in it. And the phone calls are just horrible.
      THEM: “Is Mrs Math-uhhh-knee there?”
      ME: “This is “Mrs Mu-thee-knee!”
      At least my name isn’t Wilfong anymore.
      THEM: “Is this Mrs William Fong?”

      Reply

  6. So Kearsie, since you say you have all the boogers….Here is a fitting joke. How do you make a tissue dance? How you say. Well you put a little boogie in it. Cheesy huh. Oh well you know you at least smiled.

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on December 4, 2009 at 5:23 pm

      Oh man, that’s almost as good as “why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Cuz it was dead”. You.are.welcome.

      Reply

  7. Dude….. I probably should read these at home since I start guffawing… You can hear through my office probably. Well, not you… since you are so far away.

    other people can

    that’s all
    good day.

    Reply

  8. If you have a reader that does collect Dale Jr. plates, Edward should SO visit and admire them. And you should document the whole experience. That would rock.

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on December 4, 2009 at 8:43 pm

      Dude, I sooo need to find someone with Dale Jr. plates, because Edward would look so manly and plasticky next to them. If you know of someone, please hook me up.

      Reply

  9. Posted by rochelle on December 4, 2009 at 11:16 pm

    I have a robe – it is always on its hanger in the bathroom. I hardly ever wear it.

    Reply

  10. What does everyone wear when you get out of the shower? I have a robe that goes shower to bedroom for clothes. Occasionally, I’ll chat with the cat on the way or check email but it’s pretty utilitarian. I have a vintage lounge jacket I sometimes wear around in the morning. I guess that is kind of like a reading the paper and sipping coffee robe but it’s mostly in place of a sweatshirt. : )

    Reply

  11. Posted by speaking from the crib on December 7, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    i would love a Cleveland Cavaliers snuggie for me and my son. Please tell the queen that we both have incurable cancer or something and maybe she’ll make it happen. lazy bitch

    Reply

    • Posted by soundsliketomatoes on December 7, 2009 at 9:22 pm

      Dude, first I have to convince the Queen that she should read my blog. I wonder if she watches Harry Potter movies? We could sit and quote them together. Yep, I’m pretty sure me + the Queen = BFF.

      Reply

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