Keyboard Confessions

1.  Twitter is down this morning.

2.  I am trying not to panic.

3.  Because it is rather boring, but I must have it.

4.  I’m thinking there could be a new anti-drug slogan: “Don’t do drugs, kids, just get on Twitter instead.”

5.  Somehow, I don’t think it’ll catch on.

6.  I dreamed of RT Twitters last night.  They all had to do with gardening.

7.  That is totally laughable, because I will kill you if you’re plant matter. 

8.  Man, I’m kind of scared of myself.  I sound so bad “I will kill you if you’re plant matter”.

9.  Now I’m chanting that in Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. “I will keel you if you ahr plant mattah!”

10.  Not really, folks.

11.  I wonder when Twitter will be up?

12.  Actually, it’s bad, because when I get on there, there won’t be any Twitters for me, which is just another version of ignoring me.

13.  I found a bug bite on my arm.  I didn’t notice it until yesterday.

14. It kind of freaked me out.  I don’t recall any bugs being near me.  Or biting me.

15.  So that only leaves one option…it bit me when I was sleeping.  *creeped out*

16.  This week, the diet yo-yo is working.  I lost five pounds.

17.  Don’t congratulate me, folks, this is the five pounds I gained last week.

18.  Hmm, is Twitter up yet?

19.  I’m planning to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince next week.

20.  My BFF is going to send me a Gryffindor scarf.  I know, I know…dorkness.

21.  I watched Pump Up The Volume last night.

22.  I forget all those old cheesy movies Christian Slater was in.

23.  It totally made me want to watch Gleaming the Cube.

24.  Or Heathers. 

25.  Twitter is up!

Happy Friday.

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway featuring Jenny Bunny Creations!!

**Giveaway**

Because I love doing giveaways, here’s one featuring my buddy and pal Jenny of Jenny Bunny Creations.

Jenny will be sending this lovely handmade bracelet to one lucky winner:

Gilded Rose Bracelet

 

Rules of entry:

1.  Head to Jenny Bunny Creations and take a gander at her gorgeous jewelry. 

2.  Pick out your favorite piece and come back here and let me know what it is.

(You might even be interested in The Kearsie.  Just sayin.)

3.  One entry per person.  I’ll pick the lucky winner on July 16th at noon. 

** Be sure to leave me a safe way to contact you.  Not “Behind the Piggly Wiggy at midnight”.  Because I only go to Piggly Wiggy during the day.  Just sayin. (Email is a contact.)

Jenny’s jewelry is affordable, handmade and unique.  And Christmas is a mere 169 days away.  So this would be an excellent time to start shopping!  Just sayin.

Good luck!

Social Networking Time Line (The unofficial research tool brought to you by Kearsie)

1.  Cavemen grunts. 

It was complicated and no one understood anything.  Everyone sounded angry. 

2.  Village Messengers

It took ages.  And ages. Plus I’ll bet messengers lost messages sometimes and had to make them up. 

3.  Boats

Also took ages.  And there were rickets.  And perhaps letters sank into the ocean.

4.  Horse Messengers

There was a whole lotta poop to deal with.  And it took ages.  Letters probably stank like the poo, too.

5.  Mail

Also known as Snail Mail.  Although, it was probably cutting edge back there. 

6.  Telegraphs

This took mad skills with Morse Code.  And lots of use of the word STOP.  If you are in trouble and do “Help me!” in Morse Code, I will have no idea what you are doing and just think some woodpecker is loose somewhere, just so you know.

7.  Telephones

Telephones brought a new malady known as “Cauliflower Ear”.  And costly telephone bills.

8.  Email

Suddenly, the idea of connecting with several folks at once became popular.  This is known today as “Spam”.  Viagra is really keen on this idea.  And they’re real braggy.

9.  Instant Messenging

Emoticons, Audibles, cute typing things like LOL, BRB, TTYL…a whole new world of abbreviations.

10.  Myspace

This was the place.  Free layouts, folks could see your pictures, hootchie mamas and daddies did their hootchie thing.  We all got good on those self portraits…it was cool for awhile. 

11.  Facebook

Allegedly much cooler than Myspace, until they changed the layout.  None of us liked the change.  However, none of us can remember what it looked like before the change, so.  Facebook rules, except for chat. 

12.  Twitter

Twitter.  It’s the new drug.  It’s basically waiting around for someone to write something.  It’s a land of one-liners.  It’s actually pretty boring.  And horrifically addictive.  Excuse me, I must go see if anyone has updated anything in the last 20 minutes. 

 

** Dude, I have no idea if these are in order.  Don’t harsh on my make believe history time line.

 

Also, I’m featured on Oh I Love That! today as their guest blogger!

Twitter, it’s the world’s most boring addiction

Ok, so one whole day on Twitter and I’m stuck staring at the computer screen just waiting for another update.  There’s not many.

 

Also, it’s extremely interesting that strangers are clamoring after me.  Ok, it’s just one stranger.  But how did she find me?  Is she a skeery person?  Is she a scantily clad person?  Is she a Twitter follower hoarder? 

 

Hmm.  I just looked her up and she looks adequately clad to me.  And kind of nice.  Like someone you’d pass in Piggly Wiggly and ask for her recipe for Sun Drop Cake.  But…how did she find me?

 

Actually, that one little question could be applied here.  How did *you*, dear reader, find me? 

 

(Editor’s note: yes, this is my evil and secret ploy for more comments.  I admit it.  I feel slightly ashamed but my curiousity outweighs the shame.  Please do tell.)

Twittering

So, since so many of you have been clamoring after me during my absence this last week, I thought I’d drop a quick line.

Ok, so nary a one of you inquired after me.  Or clamored.  I’m kind of hurt by you ignoring me.  Moving on.

So, I got on the Twitter Band Wagon.  I’m here.  But I’m way more here than there.  If that makes any sense.

See, here’s the thing.  I’m not too good on Band Wagons period.  I fear change.  Or scoff at them at least.  For example, let me share a conversation with I had with The Hubs about one month into our marriage.

Setting:  Our living room, 1998.

HUBS:  See, I really think we should get something called a DVD player.

ME:  What’s a DVD player?

HUBS:  Something to watch movies on.  Like VHS but on a CD.  It’s way better.

ME:  Why?  VHS works just fine.

HUBS:  Because that’s what’s new and soon there won’t be anything but DVDs to watch.

ME:  Scoff.  Psh.  Hmpf.  Pfft.  That’s what they said about CDs but they still have cassette tapes, right?

HUBS:  Blink.  Blink.

End scene.

Lance loves this story.  He reminds me about once a year.  Particularly when something new and fun in the Technology World comes up.

So when it came to Twittering, I just sat back and watched others.  But I didn’t feel that Tug.  That Draw.  That Thing I Want To Capitalize Because It’s How I Feel about Twittering.  But then I joined.

It turns out, I don’t have much to Twitter.

However, I love DVDs.  Which Lance says is now going the way of VHS.  Hmpf.

And now you aren’t surprised I took a week off from blogging.  Come back soon for a giveaway from Jenny Bunny Creations.

Keyboard Confessions

1.  I was eating this package of Skittles yesterday and I realized something.  I separate my Skittles by color and eat them that way.

2.  Does this make me a segregationalist?

3.  Is segregationalist a real word?  It sounds like a $7.50 word. 

4.  In the past, I would’ve said a $5.00 word, but I had to account for inflation.

5.  It is really bothersome to me when there is a lone Skittle that is different colored from the rest.

6.  For example, I just opened a bag and there were 4 red, 2 yellow, 3 purple and one green.

7.  That one solitary green just breaks my heart.

8.  Not really, folks.  I’m not that bizarre and weird.

9.  But he must go last. 

10.  I used my hair straightener today.  Not because I wanted to be all prettified.  But because I showered last night and slept on wet hair and woke up looking like this:

Edward Scissorhands

 

11.  There wasn’t much I could do about looking dead, though.  Especially now that I’ve given up the face powder.

12.  I’m still sweating like a man, you see.

13.  I keep thinking in my head “Pee pee nah nah blah” and then laughing. 

14.  You wouldn’t understand unless you watched this video.

15.  This week, during lunch with my coworkers, I tried to explain why the Twilight series was good even though the movie wasn’t as good to one particular lady who is a 20 year old.

16.  About halfway through my conversation with this lady who was listening with glazed eyes, it became very clear to me how much of a dork I have become.

17.  I got on the Wii Fit recently and it said “Hi Kearsie!  I noticed you haven’t been to visit in 47 days!”  (Translation:  you’re a loser.  And fat.)

18.  I gotta admit, for as bizarrely weird as Michael Jackson was in his life, I am saddened by his death.

19.  Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” was my very first cassette tape.  I was five.  I listened to it all the time.

20.  So, for nostalgia, here is the music video of Thriller.  It’s 13 minutes long, so pop some corn, grab a Dew or beverage of your choice and pull up a cozy chair.  And rest in peace, Michael, you tortured soul.

Let’s get literal

I have no funny today.  Or yesterday.  Or the day before.  Tis too hot to be funny.  Or laugh.  I must just loll about languishing and hankering for Diet Coke baths and Italian Ices. 

 

Instead of forcing you to endure inane thoughts, I shall let the fine makers at Dustfilms bring the funny for me.

 

Here is one of my favorites:

Famousosity, sort of…again

I submitted this post to HumorPress.com and they selected me as a semi-finalist!  I feel semi-proud.  When I read that post again, I semi-laughed.  This day is semi-over and I am drinking a beverage that is semi-full. 

 

Sigh.  The humor escapes me today as it is precisely 900 bagillion degrees outside and the cashier at Goodwill just schooled me.  Indirectly.  At least I think she did as none of the cashiers at Goodwill ever directly speak to me other than to tell me what I owe.  Yet they carry on conversations behind the counter that I think refer to me. 

Let me explain.

 

Lunch hour.  45 minutes to kill after downing cheeseburger containing 850 squillion calories.  I go to the Goodwill to hunt for wool sweaters I can torture and maim into felted wool crafts.  My venture proves fruitful and I take my goods to the counter. 

Cashier #1 rings up my goods and removes wire hangers that have poked me and pulled at my clothing during my tour of the sweater aisle.  She gives me the total.  I set my purse and to-go soda on the counter to count out change. 

Cashier #1: (speaking to Cashier #2)  I guess I need to fix that sign on the door.

Cashier #2:  What sign?

Cashier #1:  The one that says no food or drink inside the store.  (She gives me evil eye.)  I suppose people don’t see it or they are ignoring it.

Cashier #2:  Hmpf.

Me:  (smiling brightly) Have a good day! (I leave store and return to my car which is practically melted from the heat.)

Exit scene. 

 

Ok, so maybe there was a sign on the door saying NO FOOD OR DRINK INSIDE STORE.  Maybe I broke that sacred rule by carrying in my covered beverage inside the holy grounds of The Goodwill filled with People’s Used Clothing and Junk that Smells Suspiciously Like Urine in the Book Room. 

However.  I am a responsible adult.  I did not splash about my Diet Coke and spray the clothing with my straw.  I did not tip over my beverage creating a Possible Accident Waiting to Happen Puddle next to the Broken Down Shoes.  I did not make a mess. 

Geez. 

*** Editor’s note:  As I just typed “Geez”, I took a drink of my semi-filled soda and accidentally dripped onto my shirt.  Hmm, maybe Goodwill has a point.

Keyboard Confessions

1.  I gave up on the face powder.

2.  It was the copious amounts of man sweat pouring off my face.

3.  Except, I’m not a man.  I’m a woman, who sweats on my face like a man.

4.  Erm.

5.  Several things occurred to me this week- 1) I know way way way too much about Twilight, Twilight books, Twilight movies, and Twilight Trivia, 2) I acted just like a little kid when I won those Twilight dolls (see past post) and 3) I am a sad sad creature because of this.

6.  My girls’ babysitter is baking a cake today for my daughter Emma’s favorite stuffed animal.

7.  She told me “Tomorrow is Tigress’ birthday, so we’re baking a birthday cake for her.”

8.  She said it with a straight face.  I, however, laughed. 

9.  Then I felt bad for laughing.

10.  Then I got excited because there would be cake in my house.

11.  Then I kind of cussed in my head because there would be cake in my house.

12.  Sigh.  I love cake.

13.  I do not, however, love to go outside and walk in the heat.

14.  Or exercise, if I’m being honest.

15.  I decided to start making a bagillion face/body scrubbies for a craft fair in October.  So far I’ve made 15 scrubbies.

16.  I’ll need about 190 more to make up for the entrance fee for the craft fair.

17.  I may burn all yarn and needles this summer.

18.  I went through a whole evening with our church’s small group without saying the words CRACK, BOOGERS or PORN.

19.  Until we talked about splitting up the group and adding more people.  Then I said “Dang.  Now I’ll have to break all the new people in by saying CRACK and PORN.  It’s kind of tiresome.”

20.  Then I watched Lance facepalm.

I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won! I won!

Phew, that’s a lot of fast typing…

 

I won!  I did it!  I beat the odds!  I am the champion of the Twilight doll universe!!!!!!

 

I told you before how my buddy Jenny, from Giftedly Outspoken, had a contest for these:

 

And I won!  They are mine.  ALL MINE.

Thank you Jenny!!!  By the way, you’re totally my new BFF. 

P.S.  I realize I am coming across a wee bit like a giggly teenager at a New Kids on the Block concert, but seriously, I never win hardly anything!

P.S.S.  Lance is so totally going to facepalm when he reads this.